


My Greatest Joy

by fearlessly



Category: Glee, klaine - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, NYC Klaine, Romance, Sex, child illness, daddies klaine, married klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-18 22:09:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4722194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fearlessly/pseuds/fearlessly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They planned to build a future together – work at their careers, get married, start a family, and be happy. All of that came true and they had been happy. They had been happy for a blissful decade … until they weren’t anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All I Have Left

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Thanks for clicking!  
> This was a hard one for me to write for many reasons.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> As always, I own nothing.

Blaine stood at the window of his thirtieth-floor penthouse watching the summer sun rise over the peaks of the concrete jungle that was his home – New York City. The entire outside wall was made up of floor to ceiling windows – it was quite a spectacular view, perfect for his pensive and contemplative mood, which was more or less the norm now-days.

There had been a time when New York City was his dream. Ever since he could remember he wanted out of Ohio and to move somewhere bigger, grander … somewhere where he would be accepted. Somewhere he could love and be loved, openly. He wanted to live in a city where he could flourish and that didn’t necessarily mean New York City – any big city would have done. He would have been happy with Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, or even Atlanta. But in his sophomore year of high school he met a boy – a boy who also had a dream – a Broadway dream. That is when Blaine knew that not just any city would become his home – it had to be New York because it was where Kurt Hummel would be going. They planned to build a future together – work at their careers, get married, start a family, and be happy. All of that came true and they _had_ been happy. They had been happy for a blissful decade … until they weren’t anymore.

Blaine took a sip of his coffee then went about tying his tie, using the window’s reflection as a mirror. He didn’t really need to see, though – he could feel if the knot was adequate. He always tied it perfectly on the first try; he had become accustomed to it as he wore a suit five days a week.

He was the top architect in the city. Once he had graduated from NYU, his career blossomed and he quickly rose to the top. His success came fast but it had required a lot of work. His namesake company, Anderson-Hummel Designs & Architecture took up permanent residence on the Fortune 500 list. Who would have thought that this once performer, singer, musician from small-town Ohio would take New York City by storm with anything other than show business? Blaine was a talented architect. He had an eye for practicality as well as flair. Merging those two elements together made him the most sought-after architect in New York and even the United States. Blaine had become hugely successful, but to him, the success no longer meant as much because his marriage – everything that he loved and had worked so hard for - was falling apart.

“Blaine?”

Kurt’s voice jostled the reverie from his mind. He turned to see his husband half dressed in his boxer-briefs and undershirt. “Yes?”

“Bea has a fever. I’m going to keep her home so you don’t need to take her to daycare.”

“Is she alright?” Blaine said with alarm in his voice. “Is it the flu?”

“I’m not sure but I’ll stay with her and if the fever doesn’t go down I’ll take her in to the clinic. I already had Tina clear all my meetings.”

“Are you sure? I can stay home if you need me to.” Blaine gave Kurt a concerned look. He knew what sickness did for his anxiety.

“No,” Kurt said, dismissively. “You go to work. You stayed with her last time. I’ll call you if I take her in.” Kurt nodded at him curtly then turned and disappeared into Bea’s bedroom.

Blaine sighed. He missed the time when Kurt would slide into his embrace every the morning. They would have their coffee together and trade affections back and forth until one if not both were late for work. But being late had been worth it because they were in love and to them, love and family trumped careers and jobs always.

But it wasn’t like that anymore. Kurt only talked to him when it was necessary – when it had something to do with Bea, or the penthouse, or monotonous every day errands.

Blaine followed Kurt into Bea’s room to give his daughter a kiss before he headed into work. He stopped at the door when he saw that Kurt was sitting with her. She was in his lap and he was running a cool washcloth along her forehead. His voice was angelic and soothing. "You’ll be feeling better in no time, Honey-Bea. You just need to cool down and sleep. Papa is here. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“Okay Papa,” her little four-year-old voice squeaked. “Is Daddy staying too?” Her blue eyes looked toward the door.

“I’ll stay if you want me to Bea-Bea,” Blaine interrupted.

“I want you to, Daddy. You and Papa.”

Blaine sat down beside Kurt and rubbed his palm on Bea’s warm little leg. His heart was breaking at the sight of his little daughter feeling so down. “How about this, you close your eyes and go to sleep. I’ll go in to work for a couple of hours and when you wake up from your nap I’ll be back, okay?”

Bea was too weak to debate with her Daddy. She simply nodded and whispered, “okay.”

Blaine leaned down and kissed her forehead gently. “Daddy loves you. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Bea’s lashes fluttered closed; she was already half asleep.

Blaine moved to the door, but Kurt’s voice stopped him suddenly. “Blaine, you’re a really great dad,” he said quietly.

That comment shot straight into Blaine’s heart. He knew that Kurt meant it, but what Kurt was really saying was that their relationship was deteriorating. They were no longer husbands, no longer lovers – not really. All he was to Kurt now was his daughter’s other father.

How had it come to this? Why had it come to this? How could he fix it? He had been trying to fix it for two years but he just couldn’t do it alone; Kurt had not budged. He tried talking. He tried suggesting individual and couples therapy. He tried to take Kurt on a vacation, and he even resorted to crying and yelling. Kurt was simply unresponsive.

Blaine could feel a crossroads coming and he didn’t want to face it. He couldn’t face it. Blaine was nothing without Kurt – that’s what he told himself. He took a deep breath and forced a smile as he finally turned towards Kurt. “Thanks, Kurt. So are you.”

With that, he turned and left, grabbed his tubes of drawings, and slipped out to greet the day with sad watery eyes. 

+

Beatrice Rose Anderson-Hummel was born six years into her fathers’ marriage. She was the spitting image of her biological parents, Kurt and their dear friend Tina Chang-Abrams. Although their friend Brittany Lopez-Pierce had been their surrogate, Kurt and Blaine had asked Tina to donate the egg because well, she was their friend and because given her Asian heritage and Blaine’s part-Asian heritage, they thought she would be the closest in appearance to what their baby would look like if it had been a true mixture of both men. And they had been right.

Beatrice was a stunning little girl. She had Tina’s dark hair and beautiful smile coupled with Kurt’s owlish blue eyes and porcelain like skin. Kurt and Blaine had fallen in love with her instantly. Kurt had been the first to hold her the day she was born.

As he now sat in her bedroom and watched his baby girl sleep, he remembered how wonderful it felt to hold her when she had been seconds old and the feeling of love and family that had coursed through his body when Blaine had wrapped his arms around the both of them. They had cried together and gushed together at how healthy and beautiful their newborn daughter was. It was the happiest day of their lives.

Now, she was all that was holding them together.

Kurt knew that it was all his doing. He felt the guilt – it was his fault. He had felt something shift inside him the day he found out that his beloved father passed away and he hadn’t been able to push passed that shift.

Kurt blinked back tears as he remembered that day, two years ago. It had been three weeks after Bea’s second birthday. Blaine received the call from Carole and he had been the one to tell Kurt. Once Bea was safely tucked away in her bed, he had sat Kurt down and gently told him the news. It had been a heart attack – and this time it had taken Burt Hummel instantly.

At first, Kurt didn’t cry because he was sure Blaine was somehow mistaken. Burt Hummel doesn’t just die; it was the denial talking. Once Blaine gently persuaded him that it was real, Kurt’s hysteria hit and it hit hard. He had screamed and yelled and thrown things at Blaine in a vicious rage. It was so loud and violent that Bea had woken up crying. Blaine went to her to settle her down. Once he had lulled her back to sleep Blaine returned to the living room to find Kurt lying on the floor wretchedly sobbing like he had never heard anyone sob before.

Kurt recognized that, despite Blaine’s own sorrow and fear, he had been his rock. Blaine had held him every single night for about six months while he cried himself to sleep; during that time, Kurt had gradually pushed Blaine away. He knew that he had retreated into his own self. He was broken without his father. Kurt wasn’t even able to function. It was a good thing that he had dear friends and employees who were able to keep his fashion design company, Hummel Brug operational. Bea and Blaine had kept him alive. Bea and Blaine had stuck with him throughout all the sorrow and pain.

Eventually the pain lessened, although it had never and would never go away. And Kurt was able to return to work and become again more active in Bea’s upbringing. But deep down he remained broken – he had become cold around Blaine. Kurt thought it would get better and he presumed Blaine thought the same. But the further he retreated, the longer he had let it fester and the less he communicated. It was like a ship’s anchor was slowly being lifted from the bottom of the ocean.

Kurt felt lost and without direction. The truth was, he was devastated and furious by his father’s death and he didn’t know how to cope. Blaine took the brunt of it because somewhere in Kurt’s mind he wanted to distance himself from Blaine – he convinced himself that he needed to be okay if Blaine was taken from him like his dad had been. He knew that if Blaine died he would die too and he couldn’t have that. He had a daughter to take care of. So, it was easier if he just pushed Blaine away now.

“Papa?”

Kurt blinked out of his thoughts and looked down at his daughter. “I’m right here Honey-Bea. How are you feeling baby?”

“It hurts, Papa,” she whined.

“What hurts, baby? Your head?”

“Everything.” The sobs came. “P..p…papa…”

Kurt felt her forehead again. He didn’t need a thermometer to tell him his daughter’s fever had risen. The children’s Advil wasn’t working. Why wasn’t it working? “Oh baby. Okay, we’re going to get you better. Just let me call daddy then we’ll go.”

Bea’s listless little body curled into him moaning in pain as he dialed Blaine and tried to control his anxiety.

+

Blaine flew into the children’s emergency room and immediately spotted Kurt. He was pacing outside a small “room”, which was more like a bed with a curtain for dividers. Bea was in his arms and sleeping on his shoulder. Blaine could tell by Kurt's pacing and red-rimmed eyes that he was distraught but trying to keep it together. “Kurt, what’s happening?”

“Blaine!” Kurt said, relief filling his voice.  But he couldn’t stop the tears as he tried to explain. “Blaine, her…fever…is quite high… and ...the doctors are concerned. They’re prepping a room for her because they won’t let her go home until … the fever lowers. Feel her. She’s burning up and her little body is in so much pain. She’s … listless and just not herself.”

Blaine knew he needed to diffuse Kurt before he had a panic attack. “Okay, honey, listen to me. I’m going to take her and you’re going to go outside and get some air. I’ll wait for the doctor.”

“I don’t want to leave her.”

“You’ll be no good to her if you’re hyper-ventilating. Please?”

Kurt nodded. He trusted Blaine. He really did. “Okay.”

Blaine took Bea into his arms and cradled her tightly to his body. His lips grazed the top of her head as he swayed with his four year old in his arms. He was worried about her but it was just a fever – wasn’t it? It was probably just the flu. He forced himself to think rationally because he knew that Kurt would fall apart and he needed to be on top of it all. When it came to health related issues it was easy for Kurt to think the worst and become agitated and anxious – it had been that way since Burt passed. So, Blaine had to keep his composure. He had to be the rock for Bea and for Kurt.

+

Ten minutes later Kurt returned. He looked better. Blaine could see that he was breathing a bit more normally now. Shortly after, the nurse led them to the pediatric ward where they got Bea settled into a bed. They both sat beside their daughter and watched over her in silence – until Kurt broke that silence.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Blaine lifted a brow. “For?”

“For calming me down. Only you know how to do that.”

“I’m your husband, Kurt. I know a lot about you that no one else does.”

Kurt didn’t answer. Instead, he moved towards the small window and looked out at the sun setting beyond the cityscape.  “I’m sorry.”

Again Blaine said, “For?”

“For not being a good husband.”

Blaine stood up. He wanted to take Kurt into his arms and tell him that it was okay. He wanted to kiss him and tell him that they would make it through this, but something was stopping him. It may have been the aura hovering around Kurt – the walls he puts up, repelling him away. It may have been that it really wasn’t okay and that they wouldn’t make it through. Blaine didn’t know. “I’m sorry too,” he said as he sat back down and wiped an errant tear from his cheek.

“Daddy?” Bea said in a sleepy voice.

“I’m here my love.” Blaine scooted closer and took her hand while Kurt took his seat on the other side of her. Blaine spoke softly. “You’re in the hospital Bea-Bea. We need to get your fever down and then we can go home, okay?”

“I’m scared, Daddy.”

“I know love. But I’m here. And Papa is here and we are not going to leave your side.”

“It hurts.”

“What hurts?”

“My...my...” Bea’s eyes fluttered closed and she fell into sleep again.

Blaine thought that was odd. And he was not the only one judging by Kurt’s rapid breathing. Beatrice had always fought sleep. She never fell asleep so quickly. He and Kurt had spent endless nights rocking and humming to her when she was days, weeks, and months old – praying that sleep would take her so that they too could collapse into bed and get much needed rest. They had been quite the team – and really they still were when it came to fatherhood.

“Blaine?”

“I know, Kurt. I’ll go get the nurse. You just take some deep breaths for me, okay?”

“Blaine, there’s something wrong. This isn’t just the flu.” Kurt said and began to pace.

“Hey, hey.” Blaine rose from his seat and grasped onto Kurt’s shoulders. “Listen to me. I need for you to work on being calm, okay? Take deep breaths and think rationally.”

Kurt nodded with owlish eyes. “I’m scared. My dad…” he heaved in a big breath.

“Kurt, sit down. Come on. Bea is going to be fine.” His hand rubbed Kurt’s arm. “She’s not going to die like your dad. You know this, okay? I need for you to be strong for Bea. She needs you. Your dad would lecture you until the end of time if he saw you like this when Bea needs you.”

“You’re right,” Kurt breathed. “I just … she’s all I have, Blaine. I lost my dad and she’s all I have left.”

Blaine’s heart ached at Kurt’s words. There was no doubt that Bea was everything to Kurt; she was everything to the both of them. There was no arguing that Bea was the most important person in both of their lives. And, he knew that Burt’s death had really taken a toll on Kurt … but for Kurt to dismiss him like that … for he to not even count Blaine into his equation hurt. It hurt badly. “I know," he resigned. "But she’ll be fine. Let me go talk to the nurse, okay? We’ll get answers.”

Kurt could only nod. Blaine squeezed Kurt’s arms then left the room to find the nurse – but first he needed to stop into the bathroom because tears were streaming down his face … _she’s all I have left_ … It dawned on him in that moment that it was over. His marriage was really over. All he was to Kurt was Bea’s father and although being Bea’s father was the best thing he could ever be, Blaine was heart-broken because there was a time when being Kurt Hummel’s husband had been the greatest joy in his life.


	2. No Other Option

It had been two weeks since Bea gave Kurt and Blaine a scare resulting in a trip to the emergency ward. After several blood tests and an over-night stay, the doctor determined that Bea had contracted a blood virus. He prescribed antibiotics which Kurt and Blaine administered three times a day mixed into a small glass of Bea’s favourite smoothie – strawberry.

To an outsider it would have seemed that Bea was getting right back on track; she was more animated and had returned to being her regular old chatterbox self – much to the chagrin of Kurt and Blaine’s ears. She had also returned to daycare where she played with all her friends and was the cheerful four-year-old everybody loved. But to her dads, she was not herself. They of course were more invested in her so could easily tell that something was off. She was waking up in the night complaining that her arms and legs hurt and there were days where she didn’t want to eat or cooperate with her parents. She had become fussy and irritable. Kurt and Blaine were at their wits’ end with worry and frustration.

“Beatrice, I’m not going to tell you again. Please eat your broccoli,” Blaine warned.

Bea shook her head and pushed her plate away."No. I don’t like it.”

“Fine. Then I will save it and you’ll eat it for breakfast tomorrow.”

Bea’s blue eyes flickered as she folded her little arms across her chest, a habit Blaine knows she got from Kurt. “You’re mean, Daddy.”

“Beatrice Rose,” Kurt piped up. “You will not speak to Daddy that way. Please apologize.”

“You’re mean too, Papa,” she scowled at Kurt, which made his jaw drop.

Blaine had heard enough. He calmly placed his fork down, scooped Bea up out of her chair, and carried her into her bedroom while calling back to Kurt. “Save her broccoli. She’ll have it for breakfast.”

Kurt listened to his daughter scream at Blaine. He placed his thumb and finger onto the bridge of his nose and sighed. What had gotten into his daughter? She was never one to talk back … and she loved broccoli. Was it just that she was getting older and trying to assert her place within the family dynamic, or was something bothering her? He wrapped up her plate of uneaten broccoli and placed it in the fridge. He knew Blaine would actually make her eat it for breakfast – he was strict that way. He was always loving and kind, but he refused to raise a spoiled child so since day one he had been the one who was quicker to discipline. Kurt was okay with that.

He was just about to start on the dishes when he heard Blaine scream from upstairs.

“KURT!”

Kurt dropped the plates and flew up the stairs. Before he could even reach the bedroom Blaine screamed at him again, “Call 911!”

 _What? 911? Was Blaine serious?_ Kurt willed himself to not go into panic mode. “What the hell, Blaine? What happened?” He reached the bedroom and saw that Bea was limp in Blaine’s arms. “BLAINE!” He stood frozen in the doorway, unable to move.

Blaine yelled at him again, trying to snap him out of it, “KURT HUMMEL! EITHER YOU SIT WITH HER SO THAT I CAN CALL OR YOU GO CALL, BUT IT HAS TO BE RIGHT NOW!”

Kurt was jolted into action. He dug his phone out of his back pocket and dialed 911 as he desperately tried to gasp air into his lungs. He realized he didn’t know what happened so he passed the phone to Blaine and sat beside him holding their daughter’s limp head in his lap, stroking her hair. His tears were abundant and his body shook violently.

“My daughter,” Blaine rambled. “Please help. She just passed out. She’s four and she fell to the floor without warning.” Blaine listened to the operator with wide eyes and shaking hands. He proceeded to give his address and tried his hardest not to break down.

Kurt could tell that the operator was instructing Blaine on how to check her breathing and how to check for a pulse. He closed his eyes tight as he tried to not lose it. _She’s not gonna die, she’s not gonna die, she’s not gonna die_ – he chanted to himself.

“She’s breathing but I don’t know. I can’t find her heartbeat,” Blaine yelled into the phone. He was crying now too. The operator instructed him on how to start CPR. “Oh god,” Blaine cried. “Oh god. Kurt, help me.”

Kurt took the phone, put it on speaker and gripped Bea’s hand tight as Blaine started CPR, led by the operator’s voice. He whispered very softly, “Please Beatrice, wake up. Come on, babygirl, we need you to wake up. Please, for Papa. For Daddy.” Kurt’s entire body was shaking as he tried to push away all the images in his mind. Everything became blurry as he watched Blaine pressing hard and quickly into their little girl’s chest. Vivid pictures of when Bea was a baby and being held by her grandpa Burt flooded his brain. Pictures of himself and Blaine kneeling on the living room floor as Bea took her first steps between them. He felt light headed as he suppressed the feeling in his stomach that he knew would lead to him vomiting later. He closed his eyes and prayed to a god he didn’t even believe in … and then he heard the sirens.

+

Beatrice regained her heartbeat in the ambulance. The paramedics worked on her as the loud blare of the sirens deafened everything around them. Kurt and Blaine huddled together in the corner of the ambulance so that the paramedics could work on their little daughter. It didn’t take long for Bea’s heartbeat to jump into view on the monitor and for it to regulate.

By the time they arrived at the hospital, Kurt and Blaine had their hands linked. They ran in behind the stretcher that carried their still unconscious daughter with the full intention of following her all the way into the emergency room until a nurse stopped them. “You can’t go any further. She’s in good hands. We will let you know when she’s stable.”

Kurt tried to push through. “I’m not leaving her.”

“Kurt,” Blaine grabbed his arm. “Honey, let them go. They need to work on her and you are impeding the process.”

The nurse gave Blaine a grateful glance before she retreated into the room. Kurt also looked at Blaine, but it was more of a scornful glare than anything. “How can you just stand there and let them take our daughter away?”

“Kurt, honey…”

“Don’t Kurt honey me, Blaine. Beatrice almost died…” his breath hitched. He couldn’t continue. The word _died_ did him in. Forceful sobs tumbled from his mouth as his entire body began to tremble again.

Blaine caught him just as his knees gave out. “Shhh, she’s okay. She’s breathing. She has a heartbeat. She’s alive. She’s going to be fine sweetheart.” Blaine’s voice was soft and soothing as he rubbed Kurt’s back.

The truth was that he was terrified – just as scared as Kurt was, but he was able to think more rationally than Kurt was. He had to be the strong one for him and for Bea so that is what he would be. He wrapped his arms around his husband and continued to soothe him. “We’ll be seeing her in no time, honey.”

“We should’ve just let the broccoli thing go,” Kurt cried.

“Yeah.”

“Why did she just collapse, Blaine?”

“I don’t know. That’s what they’re trying to figure out. I was telling her that she had been rude and then her eyes fluttered and she fell to the floor. Kurt. I’m so sorry.”

Kurt lifted his head. “It’s not your fault, Blaine.”

“I know but my heart hurts.”

“Mine too.”

“And not just because of Bea.”

“I know.”

They sat beside each other in silence but with their hands clasped together. It had been a long time since they held hands. Blaine really couldn’t remember the last time. He loved the feeling it gave him – of love … of friendship … of belonging. It reminded him of a time when they had been best friends and so in love. They belonged together. They laughed. They had fun. They held hands. They kissed. They made love. And then it all changed. He knew that the hand holding wouldn’t last. Once the doctors told them that Bea would be okay and Kurt felt safe again he would take his hand away and that would be it. Blaine knew, but right now his husband’s hand was clutched in his and he wasn’t going to let it go until Kurt forced him to. He squeezed it just a little tighter and rubbed his thumb over his knuckles.

“Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel?”

They both stood up with their hands still clutched together. “Yes.”

“Are you Beatrice’s fathers?”

“Yes. How is she?” Kurt asked.

“I’m Doctor Rolson.” He shook both their hands. “Please come with me.”

Blaine could feel Kurt’s instant anxiety. It radiated from his body, through his hand and into his. Both men followed Dr. Rolson silently into a small office situated  beside triage. Dr. Rolson closed the door and motioned for them to sit down.

Again Kurt asked, “Please Doctor, how is Beatrice?”

“We need to see her,” Blaine added. “She’s probably so scared.”

“She’s asleep Mr. Anderson-Hummel. Please sit down and I’ll tell you the details,” he said with compassion in his eyes.

Kurt and Blaine sat down.

“Okay, I’ll just cut to the chase,” Dr. Rolson began. “We have stableized her. She is breathing on her own and her heartbeat is regular. She is now resting. We have conducted some preliminary blood tests and we will be conducting further tests in the morning – a C.T. scan, some x-rays, and further blood-work.”

Kurt and Blaine were silent. They didn’t ask anything further because they were both terrified of the answer.

Dr. Rolson continued. “I’ve read her file and understand that she was here two weeks ago. Judging by that, the incident tonight, and by the preliminary blood tests that we’ve conducted, we have a strong opinion that your daughter has pediatric leukemia.”

Kurt stopped breathing.

Blaine’s heart stopped.

Dr. Rolson took one look at them and held his hand up. “Listen, gentlemen, we are going to do further testing so that we can get a hold of this, and we will do everything in our power to ensure your little girl is comfortable and survives this. The survival rates are much better than they used to be.”

Kurt’s heart stopped.

Blaine stopped breathing.

The Doctor added, “We have already called in a pediatric oncologist. She is on her way as we speak.”

Kurt’s voice was hoarse but direct. “Take us to our daughter.” He stood up and felt the contents of his stomach rise. He turned into the garbage can just in time and vomited. Blaine was beside him in an instant. He had to lean against the wall to support his wobbling legs as he rubbed Kurt’s back.

Both men were broken. Both men had no choice but to lean on each other physically and emotionally. They had just been given some of the worst possible news a parent could ever receive. There was no other option than to stick together – for Bea. And for themselves.

+

Bea was still asleep when Kurt and Blaine finally got to see her. Her dark shoulder-length hair was rustled and cascaded gently on the pillow. Her pale face looked peaceful. Her little body appeared fragile as it was covered with a standard blue hospital gown and a thin cotton blanket. A heart monitor had been placed on her little chest as well as on her index finger. An IV poked out of her hand and was connected to a large bag of clear fluid. Her fathers were seated beside her, one on each side, and both with tears streaming down their faces.

“She looks so small,” Blaine whispered.

“And fragile,” Kurt added.

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Blaine, what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know." He tried his best to stifle back his sobs. “I’m in shock. I don’t have a clue what to do.”

“Me either. I’m so scared, Blaine.”

“Me too. I guess for now we need to wait for the doctors to tell us the next step. And we need to be strong for her. When she wakes up she’ll be confused, scared, and in some pain.”

“My poor sweet girl.” Kurt closed his eyes to try to ward of the dizzy spells.

“I know, honey.”

Kurt took a breath. “I guess we should call our family.” He looked down into his lap. “What’s left of it.”

Blaine stood up gently and shuffled around to the other side of the bed. He placed his hand on Kurt’s shoulder and squeezed. “I know this is hard on you, Kurt. I want you to know that despite what you and I are going through I am here for you. Whatever you need, okay?”

Kurt looked up. “You’re going through it too, Blaine.”

“Yeah. I am terrified for our little girl but I am also concerned about you.”

Kurt nodded. “I know. I’ve always known that. I just …” Kurt’s eyes flickered. “It’s just hard to breathe, Blaine.”

“Do you want me to call Carole?”

“No, you call your mom and Coop. I’ll call Carole.”

“Okay. I’ll go first. You stay with Bea in case she wakes up.”

+

Blaine was on his way to find a quiet spot in which to call his mother when he ran into Dr. Rolson in the hallway. “Mr. Anderson-Hummel, this is Dr. Juneau. She’s the oncologist I spoke to you about.”

Blaine shook her hand. She was a young woman with short red hair and compassionate green eyes. “It’s not the best circumstance but it’s nice to meet you,” she said.

“Likewise, doctor,” Blaine said. “I need to say that my husband and I are extremely scared. We are worried and concerned about our daughter and the more we are kept in the loop, the better it will be for us. My husband especially can get a little anxious so please if we could just keep the communication lines open it would really help.”

“I completely understand. We are working now as we speak to come up with a course of action. Once we are able to do more testing we will communicate that action plan with the both of you. In the meantime our goal is to ensure Beatrice remains calm and comfortable so if there is anything you or your husband need please let the nurses know.” Dr. Juneau smiled at him.

Blaine nodded. “Is there anything you can tell us? I mean, how advanced is it? Are there stages? Oh god, just please tell me she’s going to be okay.” Blaine pressed a shaky hand over his mouth.

Dr. Rolson placed his hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “Dr. Juneau and I are doing everything to come up with these answers for you. As soon as we know, you and your husband will know.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said. “I also want to make it clear that money is of no object. We want Beatrice to have access to the best equipment, the best facilities, the best doctors, and the best care. I don’t care what it costs – what my insurance doesn't cover I'll pay for, just bill me.”

“Understood, Mr. Anderson-Hummel. Thank you.” Dr. Juneau shook his hand again. “Oh, and if you and your husband would like to stay the night just ask the nurses. They’d be happy to set up a bed in Beatrice’s room.”

Blaine thanked them again and watched the doctors round the corner. He then headed out of the ward to get some fresh air and make the difficult calls to Cooper and his mom.


	3. Family

Two weeks later the follow up tests were confirmed. Beatrice Rose had been diagnosed with stage-one leukemia. It was a good thing that Carole (Kurt’s step-mother), Pam (Blaine’s mother), and Cooper (Blaine’s brother) had all made the trip to New York to be with the boys – because Kurt and Blaine were absolute messes. They managed to hold it together when they were around Bea. She was the true victim in all of this and didn’t quite understand why she was feeling so sick. Simply, she needed her dads to just be her dads. But when they were able to be alone they turned into vulnerable puddles and broke down.

Aside from their family members, Kurt and Blaine’s friends offered their support in any way they could. Tina, Kurt’s assistant, kept Hummel Brug operational while Kurt was unable to work. Wes, Blaine’s business partner, ran the architecture firm. Brittany and her wife Santana more or less took up residence in Kurt’s and Blaine’s penthouse ensuring meals were cooked and laundry was done. Sam and his wife Mercedes flew in from Los Angeles and Rachel flew in from London. Everybody knew how much Bea meant to the boys (and to all of them) and they all loved Kurt and Blaine like family.

“Honey-Bea, remember what Daddy and I talked to you about yesterday?”

She nodded sullenly in her hospital bed.

“Well, it’s time. Daddy and I will be right beside you the whole time okay? Do you want to bring Margaret?”

Bea snuggled the stuffed puppy to her chest and nodded her affirmations. “Will Margaret have to get a needle too, Papa?”

“No, baby. But you can keep her in your lap for company.”

“Okay.”

Kurt smiled and smoothed down her hair, trying to keep her calm. His daughter had actually been in good spirits even-though the doctors had her stay in the hospital. She wasn’t feeling as sick as she had been, and the pediatric oncology wing had excellent staff and facilities. She had been moved into a bigger and more private room mostly due to Blaine’s insistence and she had family and friends around her constantly. But when Blaine and Kurt sat her down to try to explain how her first round of chemotherapy would go, she retreated in uneasiness.

Kurt’s heart broke as he watched her curl up and snuggle Margaret closer. Blaine had given her Margaret the day she was born. She was a small beige stuffed dog with big droopy doe-like eyes and floppy ears. Kurt had given it to him his senior year of high school and Blaine had kept it with the sole purpose of gifting it to their first born.

“Are you and Margaret ready Bea-Bea?” Blaine sneaked in behind Kurt and kissed his daughter’s cheek. “The nurse is coming to get us in a few minutes.”

“Margaret is a little bit scared, Daddy.” Bea worried.

“Is she?” Blaine played along. “Well, Margaret, now you know there is nothing to be scared of. Bea is getting medicine that will help her, and Daddy and Papa will be right beside her.” He ruffled the stuffed dog’s head to make his daughter laugh.

And it worked. “Daddy, you’re silly.”

“So are you, my love.” He tapped her nose then kissed it gently. “But I love you so much.”

“I love you too Daddy.” She beamed up at him then looked at Kurt. “And you too Papa.”

“Aww, Honey-Bea, you are the joy in my heart. I love you too.” He bent forward to kiss her cheek.”

The moment was interrupted by Bea’s nurse, Kaylee. “Okay Beatrice, we are ready for you, honey. Is Margaret coming along with us?”

Bea nodded.

“Oh, good because I put out an extra pillow for her to curl up on while she waits. Do you think she’ll like that?”

Bea giggled. “I think so. She needs a nap.”

“What a sleepy puppy,” Kaylee smiled and then winked at Kurt and Blaine. She proceeded to help Bea get situated into a wheelchair then pushed her out into the hallway and towards the treatment room. Kurt subconsciously slid his hand into Blaine’s as they followed them out. Kurt may not have noticed, but Blaine did. He always did.

+

Just as Bea was having her IV put in for her first treatment, Pam and Carole were down the street sitting in a coffee shop. Since their boys’ wedding, they had become good friends. Pam had been a solid friend to Carole since Burt’s death and they had grown very close.

“So, you were right,” Carole said. “There is something that's not right between our boys.”

“It’s been like this for a while, I suspect,” Pam said as she took a sip of her cappuccino.

“I’ve been so caught up in my own grieving that I hadn’t even noticed,” Carole sighed. “I feel guilty. Kurt probably has needed me.”

“It’s not your fault. We are both here for them now, so what are we going to do?”

“Well, I think they have enough to deal with - with Bea. Are they ready to deal with their marriage? And should we even get involved?”

“I don’t think they’ll make it if we don’t,” Pam said regrettably.

“Is it that bad?”

“Carole, since Burt’s death – or around that time anyway, Kurt has been pushing Blaine away. I think that he’s still grieving internally and doesn’t know how to cope. Blaine doesn’t know what to do anymore. It’s pretty bad. He calls me once a week and I can’t remember a conversation where he hasn’t ended up crying to me.”

Carole sipped her coffee and shook her head. “How did they get like this? They love each other so much. Despite what they’re going through the love is still so evident.”

“I know. Maybe I should talk to Blaine and you should talk to Kurt.”

“All we can do is try. But first let’s go see how our little Beatrice is doing first. Poor thing.”

“It won't be easy for her but kids are resilient. I’m remaining very optimistic that with her two amazing dads by her side, she’ll be okay. And you know those boys have gotten her the absolute best care possible.” Pam smiled.

Carole teared up suddenly. “You know, Burt would have been so heart-broken by this. He would have been in such pain to see his little one so sick, and to see his son hurting like he is. But, he would’ve known how to deal with it. He was an expert at that. I miss him so much.”

Pam placed her hand over Carole’s “I know you do hon. I have a feeling that even with him gone, he’ll be able to give Kurt and Bea the strength they need to get through this.”

Carole nodded and wiped at her face. “You’re right. Burt Hummel won’t let even death stand in his way of helping his son.”

+

“Can we talk?” Blaine asked Kurt as they watched their daughter sleep through the chemo treatment.

“Yeah. About what?” Kurt didn’t take his eyes off of his daughter.

“Well, first, can you look at me, please?” Blaine asked softly.

Kurt sighed and lifted his gaze. His eyes were watery and sad. Blaine held his gaze with his own and took a deep breath before starting. “We need to do something, Kurt.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. We can’t keep living like this.”

Kurt stood up suddenly. “Blaine, now is not the time. Our daughter is receiving her first chemo treatment and you want to talk about us.”

“Hell yes I want to talk about us. It’s never a good time for you Kurt. We could be sitting watching paint dry and you would find an excuse to not talk about it.”

“Blaine, all I’m saying is that we need to be here for her.”

“And we are here for her. You and I have always been united on that front – that will never ever change. But I need you, and you need me just as much as she needs us.”

Kurt began to pace the perimeter of the room. “Blaine, all I need is for our daughter to get better. That’s all I need and all I want.”

“It’s _all_ you need?” Blaine asked, his voice was sad and laced with resentment.

Kurt was silent for a while as he looked at the sadness in Blaine’s eyes. He missed seeing that beautiful Anderson lustre. There was a time when they sparkled and shone like the moon and the stars – now they were dull and cold. “Right now, in this moment, yes that’s all I need, Blaine.”

Blaine nodded. “Okay. You’re right. Now is not the time. I’m not sure there will ever be a right time for us again. And it’s clear you don’t want or need me anymore so...” He paused, swallowing the enormous lump in his throat. “So, I’m going to give you your space.”

“Blaine…”

“No, Kurt. I’ve had enough. And you’re right. I should just put all my energy into Bea. She needs me. She wants me. She loves me.” He sat down beside her and turned his back to Kurt. Blaine’s finger caressed the top of his daughter’s little hand. It was smooth and warm. Blaine knew that she was all he had now too. He leaned down to kiss her dark hair and then wiped away the tears slipping down his cheeks.

Kurt’s vision blurred from his own tears as he looked out the small window into the morning sky. He knew it was the end, but the sad part was that he didn’t have the desire or the energy to do anything about it.

+

Carole and Pam could tell that both boys had been crying the instant they entered the small treatment room.

“Um, are we interrupting?” Pam asked.

“No, mom. It’s okay, come on in.” Blaine kissed her cheek.

“We brought coffee,” Carole offered.

Kurt hugged her as he grasped a cup, grateful for its warmth and familiar aroma. “Thank you,” he said and leaned to kiss Pam’s cheek.

“How is Bea?” Pam asked.

“She’s sound asleep. She took the needle really well, considering. I think it helped that she had Margaret.” Blaine said.

“Margaret has been around for a really long time,” Pam smiled.

“She has.” Kurt and Blaine said in unison.

“Hey, are you boys okay?” Carole prodded.

“Yeah, yeah, we are fine,” Kurt lied as he sat down beside his daughter again. “We are just you know, stressed from all this.” He waved his hand around motioning to the IV in Bea’s hand.

“Come on Kurt, come take a walk with me. It’ll be good for you to get some air and it will give Blaine some time with Pam.” Carole squeezed Kurt’s shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Kurt leaned to kiss his daughter’s hair then turned to Blaine. “Please text me if anything happens.”

“Of course,” Blaine said without looking up.

 

+

Pam waited for Carole and Kurt to leave the room. She ruffled her granddaughter’s hair gently before turning to her son. “Blaine, honey...”

“Mom, I know…”

“Things have gotten worse since the last time we spoke, haven’t they?”

Blaine nodded. “Yeah,” his voice breaking. “A lot worse. I don’t know how to fix it mom.”

“You know, when your dad left I went through a period of hating myself because I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that I tried everything in my power to get him to stay.”

“But it was different with you and dad.”

“Yes but I think the feelings are the same.” Pam took Blaine’s hand. “Your dad made me feel the way I presume Kurt is making you feel – and that is unwanted, unneeded and unloved.”

Blaine looked up because his mother hit the nail right on the head. “Yeah. But the difference is that dad is an ass. Kurt is just lost. You know that it’s because of Burt.”

“Yes. But that doesn’t make it right, Blaine. You deserve to be wanted, needed, and loved. I know he’s hurting and pushing you away, and you’ve been trying, but there has to be some way. You have to find a way because everybody knows that you two belong together. And Bea needs you, honey.”

“Mom, with all due respect, Bea wants for nothing. She has everything she needs. Kurt and I are always ensuring that she has the best of everything. Especially now.”

“But how long will that last for? What happens when things get so bad that you and Kurt don’t even talk anymore? What happens when you start fighting so much that Bea notices? What happens when your relationship gets so bad that you two are not even able to communicate about Bea’s life anymore? What happens if one of you wants sole custody?”

Blaine was sobbing by this point. “Mom…” He hung his head. He suddenly felt sick at the mere thought of he and Kurt fighting over Bea.

“Oh honey.” She moved forward to hug her son to her shoulder, her palm soothing the back of his head. “Tell me.”

“When Bea gets better … and she _will_ get better … I … I’m going … I’m going to file for divorce.”

Pam’s hand caressed Blaine’s cheek. “I don’t think that is what you want, and really I don’t think that is what Kurt wants. But for me, the most important thing is that you and this beautiful little girl end up happy, so I will support you in anything you decide.”

“I’ve already decided. I can’t go on like this, mom. But I’m going to wait until Bea is okay. This has been so hard on us – Kurt and I, we don’t sleep. We hardly eat. We are both so worried about our little girl. I mean, the docs said that it’s stage one and we caught it early so one or two rounds of chemo should do the trick, but no one ever knows one hundred percent. Plus, we know what the side effects of the chemo will be. Our little Bea is going to be nauseous and vomiting and just feeling terrible. That’s going to be hard. And Kurt…”

Blaine was rambling, but his mom stayed silent to let him get everything off his chest. “Kurt has terrible anxiety about the whole thing. I just can’t do this to him now. I have to wait.” Blaine pressed his face to his mother’s neck. “Mom, I’m so sad,” he cried. “I still love him so much.”

“I know Son, I know.”

+

Kurt and Carole sat in the courtyard behind the hospital. It was almost lunch time so the sun was high in the sky, but they had found a shady spot under a tree.

“Carole, thanks for coming all this way to be with us.” Kurt spoke softly. “You didn’t have to come, but I appreciate it and so does Bea.”

“Oh honey, did you think that I wouldn’t come?”

“I wasn’t sure, actually.”

“Honey, just because you’re dad is not around does not mean that we are not family. I love that little girl of yours. I consider her my granddaughter and I love you too.”

Kurt smiled at her. “Thank you, Carole. I really need family right now so I’m glad you’re here.”

Carole looked into him and placed her hand on his arm.“What about Blaine? He’s your family.”

Kurt looked down to the cobblestone ground. “Technically he is.”

“Technically? Since when is your love for each other technical?”

“Since dad died, Carole.”

She was silent for a moment but then spoke softly. “You know, when Finn died I went through a phase of pushing your dad away.”

Kurt looked up at her. “Really? I didn’t know.”

“Knowing your dad, he would have never mentioned it. But I did. I was so lost, Kurt, that I didn’t know which way was up, which way was down, and I had lost sight of who I could trust or who loved me – not for any other reason than I was destroyed. My brain, heart, and soul didn’t know how to ... be anymore. I didn’t know how to continue living. I pushed your dad away for months.”

“How did you get past it?”

“Love.”

Kurt held her gaze and gave her a tight-lipped smile.

“He loved me through everything. He let me heal at my own pace. He was there when I needed him and gave me space when I didn’t. And he did it all while loving me unconditionally. Each day got better and better and then I realized that Burt was still there. Still loving me.”

Kurt blinked as tears gathered in his eyes. He thought about Blaine and how Blaine had been there for him through everything – never judging or pressuring. He realized that Blaine had indeed been loving him all along. He was there for him when he became anxious or needy, and had let him breathe when he just wanted to be alone. And he had been doing it under the radar for two years.

Carole continued, “Your dad would be heartbroken to see you like this and to know that you and Blaine are having problems because of him.”

“It’s not because of him,” Kurt defended. “It’s because I’m an idiot.”

“You are not. You’re grieving.”

“It’s been two years.”

“Do you really think two years is long enough to get over the man who single-handedly raised you since you were eight years old? Do you really think two years is long enough to get over the man who loved you unconditionally and so fiercely that he would have laid his own life on the line for you?”

“God, Carole, no.” Kurt was crying. “A lifetime wouldn’t be long enough. But I don’t have a lifetime. Blaine won’t wait a lifetime. I don’t want to keep hurting him.”

“Then don’t. Talk to him and let him help you and love you like only he can. You need to figure this out Kurt – for you, but also for Blaine and for that beautiful granddaughter of mine.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Yes you do. It’s Blaine. The boy you fell in love with all those years ago and the man you still love today.”

Kurt looked around at his surroundings. He forced himself to slow his mind and take a deep breath. _The man I still love today. I do know how to do this – I do know how to let him love me and I do know how to love him back. It’s ingrained in our very hearts._

His watery eyes lifted to Carol’s gaze and he smiled faintly for the first time in a while. “Carole, I think you just saved my marriage.”

“Oh honey. Come here.” She grasped his arm and let him lean his head on her shoulder. “It’s all going to be okay. Bea will beat this and so will you and Blaine.”


	4. Do You Love Him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone.  
> Sorry this chapter took a little longer to update than usual. It was a really hard one for me to write.  
> I hope you're enjoying the story so far. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Warning for child illness.

Bea couldn’t stop giggling. Her Uncle Sam was being indisputably silly. It had been about three hours since her first round of chemotherapy had finished. She was back in her hospital bed being entertained by her Uncle’s _hilarious_ impressions.

“Elmo loves you,” Sam said with a smile that would rival a Muppet’s. Bea laughed until her stomach hurt, which in turn made everyone in the room laugh too. Auntie Mercedes held her little hand and wouldn’t stop kissing it. Auntie Tina, Auntie San and Auntie Britt were organizing a bunch of colouring books and puzzles they had brought for her. And her daddies were smiling at Uncle Sam’s antics from the corner. Beatrice was loved. And Kurt and Blaine were grateful for it.

Kurt turned and placed his hand over Blaine’s as it rested on the small table between them. Blaine’s eyebrows shot up at the gesture but he didn’t move away. “When do you think it will hit her?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know. I hope never.”

“Yeah, me too but I don’t think we’ll be that lucky.”

Blaine nodded with a sigh. “She’s so little.”

“But she’s strong,” Kurt added. “She’ll get through this.” Kurt turned his gaze toward his husband. Blaine mirrored his gaze – it was still impossible not to. When Kurt Anderson-Hummel looked at you, you just responded. “We’ll all get through this, Blaine.” Kurt’s voice was a whisper.

Blaine wasn’t sure he believed him. Nor was he sure what exactly he was referring to – Bea or their marriage.

“Papa! Daddy!” Bea suddenly moaned.

Kurt and Blaine were up and at her side in an instant. “What’s wrong Bea-Bea?" Blaine asked.

Before she could answer, her chest gave a violent heave. Kurt knew what was coming and had the bucket in front of her face just in time as she vomited. “Oh God, honey,” Kurt cried.

Their friends quickly cleared out of the room in order to give them privacy. Blaine gathered Bea’s long hair and held it back as she heaved again. It was forceful and abundant. Kurt held the bucket as tears streamed down his face. He had never seen anyone vomit so violently before – and she was only four. Her little body rocked forward each time, trembling. Her face was red and twisted in panic.

Blaine’s voice tried to sooth her as she sobbed through the sickness. “Beatrice, honey, it’s going to be okay. You feel sick now but you won’t forever. Just let it all out and you’ll feel better.” His voice broke. “Papa and I are here with you, my babygirl.”

After a couple more times, Bea collapsed back onto her pillow gasping and sobbing. She was inconsolable as she cried into Blaine’s chest. “I don’t like it Daddy. It’s scary.”

“Oh I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry you are so sick. Everything is going to be alright,” Blaine soothed.

Bea reached her hand out to Kurt without moving her body away from Blaine’s. Kurt sat beside his family and wrapped his arms around them both, nuzzling into Bea’s hair. “We love you. We love you so much, honey-Bea.” Kurt murmured into her hair.

Just as he got the sentiment out, he felt a strong hand press to his chest and Blaine did too. Bea leaned forward and vomited again half in the bucket and half on her bed. “Papaaaaaaaa,” she managed to wail before she vomited once more.

Both men moved to her side trying to soothe her, but really how does one sooth a four year old with leukemia who is suffering the violent effects of treatment for the first time? How does one make it all better? Kurt felt so sad. He was her father. He was supposed to fix everything. And now all he could do was sit and watch his little girl suffer excruciatingly. He held Bea close to his chest while Blaine cleaned up, stripping the blankets and getting rid of the bucket. He returned with a warm washcloth to gently clean Bea’s face.

Once she was cleaned up and soothed by Kurt's humming voice, she fell asleep in no time. Still, Kurt continued to hum and rock her. There was no way he was letting go of her anytime soon. He looked up into Blaine’s eyes, silently telling him everything. And Blaine knew because he was feeling it too.

“I hope that one round of chemo is all she needs because I don’t know if we can go through this again,” Blaine whispered. "My poor sweet girl.” His hand slapped onto his mouth to stifle his sobs as suddenly all the emotions hit him at once. “Kurt… I can’t.”

Blaine ran out of the room, gasping for breath. Tina bolted up from her chair as soon as she saw that he was crying. She hugged him and rubbed his back as he sobbed into her hair.

+

When Bea finally settled into a deep sleep and the orderly came by to put fresh sheets on her bed, Kurt was able to put her back into bed and tuck her in. He retrieved a new bucket and placed it beside her in case of a second episode. He took a few moments to try to quiet the anxiety that threatened to appear. He felt it in his gut and in the beat of his heart. After about ten deep breaths he was about to go find his husband, but Blaine returned, opening the door to Bea's room quietly. He slipped through the door sheepishly and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“What on earth are you sorry for?”

“I’m supposed to be strong and make everything better but I’ve been doing a terrible job. I’m sorry Kurt.”

“Oh, honey." Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and pressed him into his chest. “You are strong. And you have been here for me and Bea. I know I don’t say this enough and actually I’ve been treating you really badly, so I’m sorry. I’m really sorry and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me since my dad died.”

Blaine didn’t know what hit him. All of a sudden his husband was hugging him and his body was warm and inviting and so strong around him. And he was actually opening up, telling him that he’s sorry and that he appreciates him. Blaine’s tears returned. It wasn’t perfect, but he knew that it was a huge step for Kurt.

Blaine also knew that it was the stress and emotions talking. Once Kurt didn’t have the stress of Bea’s illness anymore, he would revert right back to being reserved and cold. But Blaine was in dire need of affection. He was vulnerable and needed to be comforted, so he hugged Kurt as tightly as he could and buried his face into his neck. Before he even knew what was happening he blurted out, “I miss you.”

Kurt’s hand slipped into his curls, caressing him. “I miss you too.”

They pulled apart when they heard their daughter moan and the sheets ruffle. She leaned forward and heaved again. It was Blaine who got there just in time to move the bucket to her face. And Kurt now sat beside her soothing her silently. Kurt and Blaine looked at each other over their daughter’s head. They both saw the same thing in one another's eyes - total heartbreak.

“Papa, it hurts when I throw up,” Bea sputtered.

“I know sweetheart. It will only be for a little while and then you’ll start to…”

Kurt’s voice was cut off by another one of her heaves. This time it was a violent one. Her body shook hard as she vomited nothing but bile. Her stomach was empty, but the side effect of the chemo didn’t care about that. They watched their daughter fight the dry heaving with tears streaming down her red face. That is when Blaine broke.

One of Blaine’s hands held the bucket. The other held Bea’s hand. His entire body was shaking in desperate anguish. _She’s so little. How can the universe do this to her? Please God, make it stop._ He did everything in his power to keep it together – mostly for Bea. He knew Kurt would be wrecked too, but he had resigned himself to concentrate on Bea. He wasn’t sure he wanted to put … or could put … too much effort and emotion into Kurt anymore. He was worn thin and he knew that at the end of the day, Bea needed him more … and when it was all said and done, Bea would be the only one to bring him out of the darkness.

+

Bea had been released from the hospital two weeks ago. In another week’s time she would be tested again to see how the chemo had taken, and from that the doctors would determine if the cancer had gone into remission or if she would need another round of treatment. She was able to go home but she was not allowed out. Her immune system was weak and her catching any sort of bug would be extremely detrimental to her health. So, Blaine and Kurt took turns between going to work and staying home with her.

Today was Kurt’s day to go in. He had been working hard and even working from home so that he could catch up on everything he missed. Tina had done a great job at keeping up with everything, but there were matters that simply demanded his personal attention. Truth be told, he welcomed the break. Being at the studio kept his mind busy and away from thoughts of leukemia and his troubled marriage. He was trying his hardest to let his guard down, to squash his anxiety, to trust, and to accept Blaine’s love. Since he had the heart-to-heart with Carole, he had become very aware of Blaine’s feelings. He noticed the little things that would make him upset or sad or angry. He also noticed something else – something that upset him – Blaine was now the one becoming distant and cold. It was like he had stopped trying.

Kurt was downstairs making coffee before he had to head out to work when laughter brought him out of his thoughts. He could hear Blaine and Bea running around upstairs laughing like maniacs.

“Daddyyyyyyyy no,” Bea screamed. Kurt smiled and climbed the stairs to see what the shenanigans were all about. He found Blaine dressed up in a wolf’s costume ( _where on earth did he get that?_ ) and chasing Bea.

"Better to tickle you with my dear,"  Blaine growled. Bea screamed again and when Blaine caught her he tickled her sides until she just couldn’t take it anymore.

She yelled, “You are the bestest wolf in all the land, Daddy!” Blaine stopped tickling her and instead showered her face with furry kisses.

Kurt’s eyes were sparkling. There was no way he could hide his giggling as he watched his husband and daughter play so purely and joyfully. Blaine had noticed him when he had run by to catch his daughter, and when Bea was finally settled with her arms wrapped around him, he looked at Kurt again to see his beautiful face filled with happiness.

“Want some too?” Blaine asked.

“What, tickles?”

“No, furry kisses.”

“Yes, Daddy, give Papa some furry kisses!” Bea squealed.

“Oh.” Kurt grinned. “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Get him Daddy!” Bea screamed and jumped out of Blaine’s arms.

Something shifted inside Blaine. His eyes flickered and Kurt knew instantly that he was in trouble. Blaine made a move and like lightning Kurt had turned and was running away into their bedroom with a furry Blaine and Bea running behind. Kurt ran into the room screeching and when Blaine saw that he was cornered he pounced and tackled his husband to the bed. His mouth covered his face as he pecked kisses all along Kurt’s cheeks, eyelids, nose, forehead, and lips. It had been a long time, and part of him became sad that he hadn’t done this in so long. The other part of him was drowning in love for this man. He continued pecking as Kurt squealed and writhed on the bed.

Bea finally caught up to them and jumped on the both of them. “The big bad wolf, got you Papa,” she said happily.

“That he did,” Kurt smiled.

“And I’ll do it again if you’re not careful,” Blaine winked at him.

+

Apart from the furry assault before work, Kurt’s day had been horrendous. There was just too much work, too many meetings, and too many clients who wanted to see him. He had to skip lunch in favour of a long-overdue meeting with Vogue editors. He hadn’t drunk enough water, and had been running from meeting to meeting, from project to project all day. By the time he trudged through the penthouse door at 8:30 in the evening, Kurt was hungry, thirsty, tired, cranky, and nursing a big headache. He wanted to see Bea (and Blaine), have some food, take a shower, and crawl into bed.

Blaine looked up from his iPad and glass of wine when he heard Kurt come in the door. “Hey. You’re home late.”

“Yeah, sorry. My day was insane.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.” Blaine gave a forced smile and returned to his online scrabble game.

Kurt stood there for a moment, stunned. He couldn’t remember the last time Blaine hadn’t greeted him at the door with at least a hug. He actually couldn’t think of a time ever. He placed his bag on the bench and hung up his suit jacket, loosening his tie as he wandered into the kitchen. “Are there any leftovers?”

“Yeah,” Blaine murmured. “I made chicken and rice. It’s already been put away into containers but you can heat it up.”

Kurt froze. Suddenly a horrible dark feeling washed over him. _Blaine has stopped trying. Blaine doesn’t care anymore. Blaine doesn’t love me anymore._

Kurt scooped some of the leftovers onto a plate while he reprimanded himself silently. _Don’t be silly. Get a grip. Of course Blaine still loves you. He was showering you in kisses this morning._

He placed the plate into the microwave and set the timer then proceeded up the stairs to check on a sleeping Bea and get changed. _Maybe he kissed you just to make Bea happy. Maybe he didn’t really mean it._

When Kurt came back down he was wearing a comfortable pair of sweats and a red t-shirt. He was also wearing the most sullen expression on his face and red-rimmed eyes. Blaine noticed, of course he did, but he didn’t say anything. He definitely felt a twinge in his heart. He definitely wanted to run to Kurt and hold him close forever, but he didn’t. What was the point, he thought. Why put in all the effort when he would just be shot down sooner or later. The past two years had been proof of that. It had been an emotional roller coaster and Blaine desperately wanted off the ride.

“Why are you doing this?” Kurt’s voice was calm but filled with resentment.

Blaine tore his eyes away from the seven vowels on his screen and looked up into Kurt’s eyes – they were grey tonight. “Scrabble relaxes me, you know that.”

“Not Scrabble, Blaine.” Kurt said bitterly. “Why are you treating me like some roommate you don’t even like?”

Blaine sighed and put the iPad aside. He shifted on the couch. “It’s truth time, Kurt.”

“Okay,” Kurt’s voice came out shakier than he wanted.

“I’m sorry about this morning.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “You’re sorry you kissed me?”

Blaine sighed again. This was going to be tougher than he thought. He wasn’t ready to tell Kurt that he wanted a divorce – did he even want a divorce? Bea’s appointment wasn’t for another five days and the outcome may not even be a positive one. He had to bide his time. But he had to tell Kurt how he was feeling otherwise Blaine thought he would explode.

“I’m never in my life going to be sorry that I’ve kissed you, no.” Blaine’s eyes bore into Kurt’s for a moment then shifted as he continued, “I did it in the moment and because Bea asked me to. I am sorry that I led you to believe that things are okay between us because Kurt, they are far from okay.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Kurt asked bewildered.

“Well, lately I’ve felt that you’ve been warmer to me and I don’t know if that is because you’re feeling anxious because of Bea or because I don’t know … you’re trying harder but Kurt,” he paused. He simply wanted the floor to open up and swallow him so that he didn’t have to face this. “Kurt … I can’t do this anymore. I have tried my hardest to make things work between us. I have tried my hardest to make you happy and to help you to grieve but if I don’t pull out now, I’m afraid my spirit and my heart will shatter so badly that I will fall into a dark place and I won’t be able to take care of Bea anymore.” A couple tears spilled onto his cheeks. “And like you’ve even said yourself, Bea is all I have.”

Kurt sat stunned. Blaine had always been strong. Blaine had always done anything and literally everything to show his love – to make him feel loved, to protect him and make him happy. And now, he was pulling out as if this was just some weekend plan that he didn’t feel like attending anymore? Kurt saw red. He was on the verge of tears – hot angry tears. He was furious at Blaine for being a coward but more-so, he was furious at himself for treating Blaine like he had and for not realizing the damage he was doing. He never saw it coming. He took for granted that Blaine would always be that pillar of strength. Despite his anger, all he could manage to say was, “But I love you.”

Blaine almost laughed but he didn’t; he could only cry. “I love you too. I always will – for the rest of my life. But, this is no longer a matter of love, Kurt. It’s a matter of respect. And despite all my efforts and all my affections for the past two years, you’ve not given me the respect I deserve. And so, I can’t do this anymore.”

Kurt’s hands trembled, his lashes blinked quickly trying to keep the tears at bay.“But my dad, Blaine. My dad died.”

“With all due respect, Kurt, your dad wouldn’t want to see you like this. He wouldn’t want to see us like this.”

Kurt broke. “How dare you use my dad against me?”

“I’m not…”

“Don’t ever mention my father to me again, Blaine – especially not in this context. You’re right. He wouldn’t want to see me like this. He wouldn’t want to see us like this so if you’re giving up and throwing in the towel, fine. It’s done. We’re done.”

Blaine hung his head and ran both his hands through his curls. _Fuck. No. What have I done?_

Kurt was half way up the stairs when he stopped and turned around. His voice sounded almost strangled. “I’ve lost my mother, my brother, my father, and now my marriage. Don’t you dare think I’m losing my daughter too – over my dead body.  If you don’t give me sole custody I’ll fight you for it. Your pockets may run deep Blaine Anderson but you know as well as anyone that I can be a heartless bitch.”

Blaine stood in the middle of his living room in utter shock. He had felt many things for Kurt Hummel through-out their life together, but never had he felt pure white hot anger. He had seething rage inside his heart for Kurt and he had no idea how he would reign it in - or if he even cared to.

+

Five days later and Blaine and Kurt hadn’t said a word to each other that didn’t pertain to their daughter. What’s more is that Blaine had moved his stuff into one of the guest bedrooms so that he didn’t have to sleep in the same bed as Kurt. He was livid at him and Kurt was equally livid at Blaine. If they had spoken to each other there would have been screaming, yelling, and words that neither of them really wanted to say. They finished off the week alternating between staying home with Bea and going to work. This included the weekend where Blaine took Bea on Saturday and spent the day with Cooper, and Kurt took her Sunday and spent the day with Rachel.

+

The Saturday with Cooper was actually nice. Blaine hadn’t seen his brother for a while as he was stationed in L.A. working as a stunt double in the motion picture industry. Bea was still not allowed to go out in public due to her immune system, so Blaine didn’t want to chance going to a restaurant. Instead they decided to hang in Cooper’s hotel room and order in while watching Disney movies.

Bea was busy eating her Chinese noodles and watching Aladdin while Cooper and Blaine sat at the table talking. Cooper (and everyone) could tell that his brother’s marriage was in shambles and their mom had filled him in somewhat as to what was going on. He knew Blaine needed to talk to someone about it but he just didn’t know how to broach the subject. His brother had seemed so sad and at times angry the past few days.

“How are you really doing, little bro?” Cooper asked as he took a bite of eggroll.

Blaine shrugged and sighed. “I’m worried about Bea’s appointment. I mean, we all are.”

“Yes we are but she seems to be doing well these past two weeks and she looks strong and healthy.”

“I’m just terrified of losing her, Cooper. God, this is the worst thing to have a sick child. I would give anything to take the illness myself instead of her.”

“I know what you mean but please don’t say that.” Cooper looked at him with a worried gaze.

“She’s all I have, Coop.”

“She is your daughter and the absolute most important and precious thing in your life, but she’s not _all_ you have, Blaine.”

“Please, don’t.” Blaine set down his chopsticks and wrapped his arms around himself.

“Blaine…”

“Don’t Coop.”

“Like hell I won’t, Blaine.” Cooper’s voice rose a little. “The day you met Kurt I noticed a change in you. You have been at your best and at your happiest when things have been good between the two of you. As your brother I won’t just let you throw that away. I know you love him and I know he loves you.”

“It’s not that easy. Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

“You’re right. Sometimes it’s not – but not when it comes to you two. I would kill to find a relationship with even half of the love and beauty that you have found with Kurt. Don’t throw it away. Give him a chance to fully work through whatever he’s going through.”

Blaine put his plate down and looked over at Bea who had abandoned her plate for acting out the movie with the genie. He looked back to Cooper with a sigh. “He threatened to take Bea away.”

“What do you mean?” Cooper asked slowly.

“We got into a fight and I told him that I just couldn’t do it anymore. He said that he wouldn’t lose Bea and that he would fight me for sole custody.”

Cooper gripped his shoulder. “You know as well as I do that was Kurt speaking out of fear and desperation. I don’t believe for a moment that he would take her away from you.”

“I know he won’t take her away from me because there’s no way I would let him do that. It just hurts that he even thought that – no matter how hurt he is – that is just on another level.”

Cooper’s voice was gentle. “You know I’ll always be on your side, Blaine but I think you should try to work it out.”

“It’s going to take quite a bit for me to get over this, Coop.”

“Maybe, but do you love him?”

Blaine looked down sadly. _Do I love him? Have I ever not loved him? Can I even remember a time when Kurt wasn’t encompassing my entire heart and soul?_ He nodded his head gently in response. "With all my heart.”

“Then whatever it takes to get over it, it will be worth it, don’t you think?”

Blaine looked up at his brother. “When did you get so smart?”

+

Kurt was happy to spend Sunday with Rachel. It had been a long time since he got to spend time with his best friend. Both of their schedules were insane and Rachel no longer lived in New York City, so their time had been seriously cut short. Blaine was out with his mom so Kurt had invited Rachel to the penthouse so that Bea could remain comfortable at home.

Rachel was adding vanilla to the cookie dough while Bea helped Kurt cut out stars from another sheet of dough. “Auntie, I wanted to make heart cookies but I know you love stars so I changed my mind,” Bea said eloquently.

“Awww, you are such a sweet little princess, Bea. Thank you for thinking of me.” Rachel cooed as Bea gave her a proud grin. “But I like hearts too and so does Papa so do you think we could make some of those too?”

Bea squealed out a “yes,” then went running to the drawer to fish out the heart cookie cutter.

“She’s adorable,” Rachel grinned.

“Isn’t she?” Kurt said with a proud look.

“She’s just like you.” Rachel said and tapped Kurt’s nose.

“Actually, she’s picked up a lot of her cuteness from Blaine.” Kurt sighed.

Rachel knew. She could sense that her friends weren’t getting along. Being out of the country she didn’t know exactly how bad it was, but she was worried. Kurt looked sad. He had lost his sparkle, his joie-de-vivre.

“Here it is,” Bea squealed and climbed back up on her stool beside Kurt.

They finished cutting out all the stars and hearts. Rachel placed them into the oven as Kurt started cleaning up the kitchen. Rachel leaned over to Bea and whispered to her, “While we wait for the cookies to bake, would you draw me a picture? Papa said that you are such a good artist, but I don’t have anything from you to hang up on my fridge in London”.

Bea beamed. “Yes. My crayons are in my bedroom. Don’t come up, it will be a surprise.” Rachel managed to steal a kiss to her cheek before she bolted up the stairs, excited to draw a special picture for her Auntie.

Kurt smiled. "She seems to be feeling better. God, I hope we get good news tomorrow.”

“I do too. I have been asking my shining star,” Rachel pointed upward with wet eyes, “to look out for her.”

Kurt placed down the sponge and dried his hands, taking Rachel into his arms. “Thank you, Rach. I know you miss Finn and I miss him too.”

“I really do. I know it’s been quite a while and yes it’s gotten easier but there are times I just … wish I could hold him for even one minute, you know? Or tell him that I love him one last time.” She sighed softly against Kurt’s shoulder.

“Yeah, me too.”

Rachel thought she might over step and she knew Kurt may not react well but she was his best friend – if she didn’t do it then who would? “You have to make the most out of the time you have, you know because you never know when it could end. We have both lost so much – you more than me, so you should know that life is precious and that you shouldn’t spend it being mad or fighting.”

Kurt drew Rachel out of his embrace and held her at arms length, looking into her eyes. “You’re not talking about Finn anymore are you?”

“Of course not.”

Kurt sighed then went back to cleaning the counter. “Rachel, he doesn’t love me anymore. I pushed him away for too long.”

She laughed. She actually laughed. “Saying Blaine Anderson doesn’t love you anymore is like saying the sky is no longer blue. Of course he loves you. He is always going to love you, Kurt. Everyone can see it but you.”

“I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know why it’s so hard.”

Rachel spoke quietly. "Maybe you need someone to help you sort your emotions and your thoughts?”

“Like a therapist?”

“Yes. I can recommend one, Kurt. I had a fantastic one when I lived here. She helped me a lot when I was grieving Finn.”

“I don’t know,” Kurt turned towards her and drew his arms around himself.

“Okay, let me ask you this,” Rachel said taking his hand. “Do you love him?”

“Yes. God, yes.”

“Are you in love with him?”

Kurt paused. He hadn’t asked himself that question in a while. Loving someone and being in love with someone could be entirely different. He thought about Blaine and how it had always been so easy to love him. Blaine had a way of always giving all of himself over to their relationship. Kurt had fallen in love with him so easily. He had married him because he was the love of his life. And yes, of course he still loved him and he was still _in_ love with him. “Yes. I’m madly in love with him, Rachel. There's no denying it.”

“Can you honestly see your future without him? Think about it hard, Kurt. Picture yourself in the future without Blaine in your life.”

Kurt did. He didn’t get very far into the image at all before his stomach rose up into his throat. Life without Blaine would be a lonely dark place that Kurt didn’t want to get to know. And Bea – she deserved to have a life with two fathers who not only loved her but loved each other, and who would do everything and anything in their power to stay together. What kind of examples would he and Blaine be setting if they both loved each other and walked away from it? If love wasn’t worth fighting for then what was?

Kurt looked into Rachel’s brown eyes. “Have I told you lately how much I love you, Rachel Berry?”

She smiled brightly. “You haven’t but I know. I know how much you love me, Kurt, and I love you just as much. That’s why I won’t let you walk away from this beautiful life that you deserve.”

Kurt hugged her then. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“I know how,” she said. “Call my therapist.”

Kurt nodded against her head. “Okay.”


	5. Love

Rachel had gone back to her hotel room as she had an early morning flight back to London. Kurt had put Bea to bed early, anticipating that she would have a long day tomorrow. Their appointment was at ten in the morning and Kurt was terrified of what the results would be. He tried to keep his mind off of it for now – he knew that if he overthought it he would become anxious, and he was desperately trying to keep that at bay.

Rachel was right – a therapist would help, so he planned to call her first thing in the morning to schedule a trial appointment. He decided in his heart that he was going to do everything to fix his marriage. He was going to get Blaine back come hell or high water.

The first thing he needed to do was apologize to Blaine. He had said some horrible things, not just this past week but in the past two years, and he needed to right that. He needed to tell Blaine how sorry he was and how much he loved him. But, he hadn’t heard from Blaine all day which was quite uncharacteristic of him. At least, he would always text to check on Bea. Now it was nine in the evening and Blaine still wasn’t home – nor was he answering his phone.

Kurt stood up to clear the table of the dinner he had made. The lasagna had long gone cold. The salad was wilting, and the wine was yet to be opened. Kurt sighed as he got rid of the food and loaded the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

An hour later he was really starting to worry about Blaine – maybe something happened to him. He started pacing and was about to call him again when he heard the key in the door. When he turned, he saw Blaine; his image was simultaneously heart-breaking and beautiful. Stormy blues locked onto golden amber and they both drifted towards each other like fall leaves floating towards the ground. They stopped about a foot away from each other, their eyes never faultering.

Finally, Kurt spoke softly, “I was getting worried about you.”

“You were?”

“Of course I was, Blaine. We need to talk. Please, I have so many things I want to say to you.”

Blaine nodded. “Me too. It’s why I’m so late. I’ve been walking around the city for hours just trying to clear my head and get my thoughts in order. I’m sorry I worried you.”

Kurt sighed in relief. Blaine was home. Blaine wanted to talk. This was good. “I made lasagna. Would you like me to warm some up for you while you shower?”

Blaine smiled. _Oh, there you are_. “That would be wonderful, thank you. But first,” he hesitated. “Would you let me hold you? I really just need to hold you, Kurt.”

Kurt’s heart ached. He thought he could feel it literally splitting in two as he heard the desperation in Blaine’s request. “Yeah,” was all he could say. If he tried to say more surely his sobs would break through, so he simply opened his arms and closed the gap between the two of them.

Blaine’s arms felt exquisite around him. They were strong and deliberate. Kurt placed his face to the junction of Blaine’s neck and shoulder and simply closed his eyes basking in the essence that was Blaine. For the first time in two years Kurt felt that he could properly breathe.

Blaine had to bite his lip hard in order to not completely fall apart in Kurt’s arms. God, he was still so in love with this man. His arms tightened around him, never wanting to let go – never ever wanting Kurt out of his embrace, out of his life. He placed – only placed – his lips to the spot behind Kurt’s ear and closed his eyes. It felt that for the first time in two years his heart was beating for all the right reasons – not to pump blood into his body, not because it was racing in a stressed state, not because it was trying to not break apart – but because it was in love.

They reluctantly untangled themselves apart. They were silent as they gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment – then Blaine gave Kurt a smile and a caress to the cheek before climbing up the stairs to the shower.

Kurt realized after a few minutes that he didn’t need to take deep breaths. His stomach wasn’t in knots. He felt calm and warm for the first time in a long time. He hummed softly to himself as he lovingly prepared a plate for his husband and one for himself. While the food was warming he opened the wine and poured two generous glasses with a smile on his face.

When Blaine came down the stairs the sight he beheld made him smile. There was Kurt – his husband waiting for him in the living room, sitting cross-legged on the floor with their dinner in front of him on the coffee table, and his eyes – those amazing blue eyes - were sparkling once again.

“Come here,” Kurt said. “Sit beside me.”

Blaine was drawn to him like a magnet. He settled down beside Kurt. He had so many feelings inside him and so many things he needed to say, but he saw the look in Kurt’s eyes and knew that he wanted to go first. So, Blaine stayed silent, but there was no way he would be able to sit beside Kurt like this and not touch him. With the lasagna once again forgotten, he turned and placed his palm on Kurt’s cheek. “Before we start, Kurt, I need to say that I love you today just as much as I ever have. That has never changed and it never will. You are my entire heart. You and Bea.”

That was enough for Kurt. That really was all he needed to hear. Blaine loved him, what else did he want? What else did he need? But Kurt knew that it wasn’t that simple. They needed to talk – really talk. They needed to straighten everything out before they could fall into each other’s arms. “I love you too, Blaine. And that is precisely why I want you to listen to me. I have things I need to get off my chest. Things that I need for you to hear and understand.”

Blaine nodded softly and slid his hand over Kurt’s, squeezing it. “I’m all ears. And my heart is open.”

Kurt smiled at that. He paused to scoop some lasagna onto Blaine’s fork and lifted it up to him. Blaine opened and took the bite. His husband feeding him had always been a sort of kryptonite for him, but somehow he knew Kurt wasn’t doing it because he wanted to fall into bed with him – he was doing it because he genuinely cared. He wanted to take care of him, nourish him with food as well as with love.

Kurt’s eyes seemed to solidify as he looked earnestly at Blaine. “I’m sorry.” He said. It was simple, really – those two words and Kurt had said them before many times but for some reason, this time they went straight to Blaine’s soul.

Kurt took a breath. “I’m sorry Blaine. I’m sorry for so many things, but the thing I’m most sorry for is for threatening to take Bea away. That is not me and I know that you know that, but it has to be said. I didn’t mean a word of it. You are the most amazing father to that little girl and I would never do anything to take you away from her or her from you.”

He forked more lasagna and held it up to Blaine’s mouth. Blaine took it then Kurt pressed on. “Blaine, I’m also sorry for pushing you away for the past two years. You know I’ve had a terrible time with coming to terms with my dad.” Kurt swallowed and Blaine tightened his grip on his hand. “But that is no excuse. You have been there for me every single day since we found out and I have done nothing but…” Kurt had to stop because he could feel the tears welling in his eyes.

“Hey, take your time,” Blaine said softly. It was almost a whisper. “I’m not going anywhere. We have all night.”

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I have done nothing but push you away and make your life difficult.”

“No, Kurt…”

“Please, Blaine, let me finish. There is a reason why I pushed you away. I mean, yes, I’ve found it hard to cope, but the real reason is that … that I was scared. I was scared that you would die too and I would be left heart-broken and shattered.”

“Oh, honey,” Blaine surged forward and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s shoulders, hugging him.

Kurt finished his apology against Blaine’s shoulder. “I thought that if I distanced myself from you and from our love that it would be easier to let you go when you were taken from me. I know it’s stupid but that’s just how my mind was trying to cope with everything. I know it was wrong. And I know I hurt you. And I swear I’m going to stop hurting you – I’m seeking out a therapist to help me. I’m just sorry Blaine. I’m really sorry.” The tears were flowing freely now. Both men had wet cheeks and thick knots in their throats.

Blaine’s hand rubbed Kurt’s back, soothingly. His eyes closed in sorrow for his husband but his heart felt relief. Kurt had opened up to him and they could now begin the healing process together. “I love you,” is all Blaine said for the longest time.

Kurt responded by pressing his face to Blaine’s neck and placing one single kiss there.

Blaine leaned back softly so that he could smile into Kurt’s eyes. “And I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that I haven’t been more patient. I’m sorry that I lost sight of our resilience as a couple, in our bond, in our vows, and in our love. I’m sorry that I don’t know how to help you. I feel so guilty for not being able to guide you into the light, Kurt.” Blaine paused to swallow the lump in his throat. “I … I would give anything for you to be happy again. I love you so much.” The tears dripped from his chin onto his t-shirt. “I never stopped, please know that. You have always held my heart, Kurt.”

Kurt pressed his forehead to Blaine’s as both his palms cradled his face, thumbs caressing over wet cheekbones. “And I always will,” he whispered before pressing his lips to Blaine’s. Neither one of them could remember the last time they shared a kiss – a real kiss. Sparks flew. Warmth coiled down their spines and puddled in their guts. They felt like they could finally breathe, like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders and the darkness had dissolved from around their hearts.

Blaine moaned softly against Kurt’s lips. He wanted to press his tongue in. He wanted to taste Kurt’s mouth. He wanted to undress him and make love to him until the morning light filled their penthouse, but it wasn’t time. They still had so much to talk about and Blaine was not going to ruin this moment. He leaned back, breathless. “We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” Really, it was more a statement than a question.

Kurt smiled and nodded his head. “I promise we are.”

Blaine thought his heart would explode. He pecked Kurt’s lips again then proceeded to feed him bites of lasagna.

+

When Blaine woke up it was in the arms of his husband – his beautiful husband who he still loved so much and who loved him in return. They had continued talking into the wee hours of the morning. They came up with a plan to help Kurt pro-actively grieve. They vowed to be honest with each other and to communicate how they were feeling. They talked about Bea and their careers, and what they wanted for the future. They prioritized their feelings, their wants, their needs, and their goals. Then when they were both feeling satisfied with their progress and warm from the other’s professed love, they pushed their plates aside, clasped hands, and ascended the stairs to their bedroom with only a small detour to check on their sleeping daughter. They had both been too tired to do anything besides undress, snuggle into one another’s arms and fall into a deep sleep – untroubled and free of nightmares – for the first time in a long time.

Now Blaine found himself awake in the early hour with subtle light filtering in through the window. His head was nuzzled to Kurt’s bare chest, his arms were draped around his abdomen, and his legs were tangled in Kurt’s. He felt wanted, needed, and loved as the weight of Kurt’s arm surrounded his shoulders. He closed his eyes and thanked the stars above for this second chance. He had come so close to ending it – and right now Blaine couldn’t fathom what had gotten into him because there was no way he could have ever let Kurt go. They had vowed to each other more than a decade ago – they had promised to care for each other and love each other through everything. Each of them was a work in progress. Their marriage was a work in progress, but there was no one he wanted to work through everything with more than Kurt. His beautiful Kurt.

Kurt snuffled gently and shifted. He rolled towards Blaine and wrapped his other arm along his ribcage. Blaine’s face was flush with Kurt’s flawless chest. Blaine had always loved Kurt’s chest. It was like he had been carved from marble - except he was warmer and deliciously malleable. Blaine pressed a kiss there, nuzzling his starved lips to Kurt’s perfect flesh. Another kiss, and soon his tongue darted out to have a taste. Then with sudden urgency, Blaine could think of nothing but making love to his husband. It had been a long time coming. It was time. They needed to seal their conversation – all the professions they had made to each other the night before - with pure love. And Blaine knew that the best way they connected was with their bodies. That was how their souls always fused together.

Kurt woke up to the softest of kitten licks on his throat and to the soft tickle of dark beautiful curls along his face. He smiled, remembering how he had fallen asleep the night before – in the strong arms of his gorgeous husband - the one who still loved him unconditionally. Kurt murmured against the dark curls, “Good morning, my love.”

Blaine lifted his head at Kurt’s voice. His eyes were on fire – liquid honey peering at Kurt from below his chin. “Good morning,” Blaine’s voice was hoarse with sleep and lust. “Just relax. Let me enjoy you, baby.”

Kurt took a breath and relaxed back onto his pillow. If Blaine wanted to shower him in kisses, licks, and love who was he to argue? “Take what you will. I’m all yours.”

Blaine planned to take everything. He started with Kurt’s lips, kissing him softly at first, but the kiss was quick to turn heated and soon Blaine was lapping at the swell of Kurt’s lips begging for entrance. Kurt granted it, letting Blaine’s tongue into his mouth. They kissed for what seemed like hours, moaning into each other’s mouths, tasting each other’s tongues, and moving along each other’s lips with the familiarity they both craved, but at the same time, with a new found vigor that neither of them ever wanted to lose again.

“I love you,” Kurt breathed as Blaine broke the kiss to move down his chin and along his jawline. He bit at the exquisite line of Kurt’s jaw as he felt Kurt’s strong but gentle hands caressing his biceps.

With a moan, he murmured, “I love you too,” then moved further down to lap at Kurt’s throat and chest, stopping at each nipple, biting softly and eliciting moan after moan from Kurt’s perfectly swollen mouth. As Blaine moved along Kurt’s body, reacquainting himself with every inch, his hands found his husband’s. The clasping of their hands was the catalyst to the deep need that filled both their bellies. Blaine was suddenly on fire – he needed more. He needed to give more and take more. He worked himself lower until his mouth had latched onto the back of Kurt’s knee, he suckled gently producing a sweet and tender bruise against his alabaster skin. He worked his way back up, leaving a trail of bruises and bite marks all along Kurt’s inner thighs – Kurt’s whimpering summoned Blaine to suck and bite harder.

Kurt normally did not like his skin to be marked or flawed in any way, but for this he was willing to make an exception. Blaine’s mouth just felt too good. He couldn’t get enough of Blaine’s ministrations so when Blaine stopped and lifted his head in pause, Kurt murmured desperately, “More Blaine, please, I need everything.” That’s all Blaine needed as affirmation. He nuzzled his face against Kurt’s already thick and long cock. His nose edged up the underside of it, sending Kurt into a spiral of lust. “Please Blaine, it’s been too long since I’ve felt your talented mouth around my cock.”

Fire. Sweet coiling heat buried itself into Blaine’s groin as he heard Kurt beg for his mouth. He simply couldn’t wait any longer. He pressed his lips to the tip of Kurt’s cock and kissed. He kissed again when he heard Kurt’s guttural moan then, in one motion, he engulfed Kurt’s erection into his mouth. Blaine emitted a deep muffled groan as he simply held Kurt on his tongue – not moving, just holding. He was close to tears as he thought back to how long it had been since he pleased his husband this way. He vowed silently to himself to make it up to Kurt for the rest of his life.

Kurt’s hand slid down and into Blaine’s hair. He tugged gently when he felt Blaine’s moans vibrating along his wet and heated skin. “My god, Blaine,” he whimpered. And then he felt Blaine start to move. His hand fisted his curls, not guiding, just holding on for dear life. He never wanted it to end. He never wanted Blaine to slip off his cock. He could have stayed there forever. When Kurt felt a sudden flick of Blaine’s tongue, he knew that he was done for. He lifted to his elbows so that he could watch his gorgeous husband work his mouth so expertly on him – the visual was almost as hot as the actual act. “Blaine, my love,” Kurt panted, “Ohhhh, don’t stop. I missed this so much. I missed you so much. Fuck.”

Kurt’s words were like arrows into Blaine’s heart. With each thrust of his mouth he fell deeper into love – how was that even possible? His hands slid roughly beneath Kurt’s ass, gripping, squeezing, holding him up so that his cock would lodge deeper into his throat while his tongue worked the shaft and his thumbs caressed deep circles along the curve of Kurt’s ass. He hollowed out his cheeks and took him deep into his throat sucking hard. He didn’t stop until he felt Kurt’s urgent tugs at his curls. Slowly, he lifted his head, letting Kurt’s cock slip from his lips with a loud pop and burned a gaze into his eyes. His husband was wrecked. His husband was beautiful with his disheveled morning hair, his red blushed cheeks, his swollen panting mouth, and that dark blown gaze of his – the lusty one that Blaine had missed so much.

“If you don’t make love to me I think I might just cry, Blaine.” Kurt begged. Blaine surged forward capturing Kurt’s lips with his own once more. There was no going back now, Blaine was done for. He clumsily fumbled his hand out into the bed-side drawer looking for the lube. He flicked the lid – that sound alone made both of them moan long and deep against each other. Blaine coated his fingers with lube and carefully slid them along Kurt’s crack, a finger inching towards his puckered entrance.

Blaine pressed his forehead to Kurt’s and whispered slowly and softly against his lips. “I’m going to love you so completely Kurt. I’m going to make you moan and grunt and scream … and when you’ve had your fill I’m going to do it again.” With that, he pushed one finger into Kurt and all Kurt could do was tilt his head all the way back in exquisite pleasure, exposing his milky throat and simply breathing in all the love Blaine had to give.

Kurt’s thighs spread and his hips tilted, giving Blaine full access. And Blaine took it, inserting a second finger, slowing working Kurt open for him, pumping delicately and searching out his prostate. He knew it had been a long time for Kurt so he wanted to take his time, open him slowly. He wanted Kurt to feel the sweet burn but not the pain.

Once Blaine inserted a third lubed up finger Kurt began to babble. “Blaine, Blaine, Blaine…” He fell back onto the bed, his back arched, his fists gripped at his own thighs as words just fell from his lips, “Please Blaine, fuck me.”

Blaine’s own erection was standing at attention. He had been rock hard for a while now and all he wanted was to plunge balls deep into his husband. He quickly squirted lube onto his cock, working it in with his free hand. Kurt cried out when Blaine removed his fingers. He felt empty but only for a few seconds because it wasn’t long at all until the tip of Blaine’s cock pressed bluntly against the wet flushed ring of his ass.

“Goddddd,” Blaine moaned. “You are so beautiful, so perfect for me.” He pressed in until half his cock was surrounded by Kurt. His lovely Kurt. Blaine’s hands unceasingly caressed Kurt’s legs, his thighs, his hips, his stomach. “Yes. Perfection,” Blaine cooed. “I’m going to fill you up, baby, and make you mine.”

Kurt was trembling from the feeling of Blaine inside him and from Blaine’s heated beautiful words. “I already am yours,” Kurt whined. “I have been since I was seventeen years old.”

That did it. Blaine pushed in until he couldn’t push in any further. He filled Kurt up completely then stilled, allowing Kurt to get used to the feeling. His hand pressed gently to Kurt’s sculpted abs, fingertips caressing as he looked down into his husband’s eyes. “Do you know that you’re my soulmate?”

Kurt’s chest heaved delicately with each breath. He was simply in love … and in lust. “Yes. That’s something else I have known since I was seventeen.”

“God,” Blaine said. “How did I ever get so lucky?” He had loved Kurt since they were both boys – and now they were men – men who were giving each other everything. Men who would be together forever. His hands moved up to caress Kurt’s thighs. He wanted to savour this moment. This sweet moment that just twenty-four hours ago he thought he’d never experience again.

“Blaine, please,” Kurt whined.

He grinned down at his husband and began the slow but deliberate thrusts that would inevitably bring them both to orgasm. His hips were unrelenting. He thrust again and again into Kurt’s sweet tight ass and he never wanted to stop. The sound of skin smacking skin was music to his ears. The sight of Kurt writhing was heaven on earth. The feel of Kurt squeezing around him only drove his need to burn hotter. Blaine took what was his. His lips feasted on Kurt’s and his fist pumped Kurt’s long cock as he pounded and pounded. They made love, they fucked, they made love again and when both of them were grunting and crying out in sheer desperation they came. Together. Kurt all over Blaine’s hand and onto his abdomen, and Blaine unloaded deep into Kurt’s body.

Blaine didn’t care about the stickiness, he lowered himself down and surrounded Kurt’s entire body with his own. His face pressed to Kurt’s neck in relief, crying tears of joy. Kurt’s lips pressed to the top of Blaine’s head, kissing everywhere he could as he wrapped his arms around his trembling husband and let his own tears fall into the beautiful mess of curls.


	6. Sixty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N ... Please keep in mind I'm not a medical expert and this is fiction.  
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting. It keeps me going.

Blaine couldn’t stop smiling. He hummed loudly to himself as he flipped the blueberry pancakes. The day is an important one and maybe he shouldn’t be so happy – Bea may get bad news this morning - but he just couldn’t help it. He had his husband back. And, what was wrong with a little positivity anyway?

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Bea’s little voice interjected through his humming as she sat at the bar stool waiting for her breakfast.

“I know, Bea-Bea. They’re almost done. Would you like bacon?”

“No thank you, Daddy. Papa told me that bacon clogs your ar … arrr...”

“Arteries?” Blaine offered.

“Yup. That.” Bea nodded sagely, although she had no idea what that actually meant.

Blaine chuckled to himself and rolled his eyes, placing one small piece of bacon on her plate along with her pancake. “One small piece won’t hurt.” He kissed the top of her head and set the plate down in front of her. He returned to the stove to pour more batter onto the griddle when he felt strong arms slide along his ribs and up to his chest, hugging him from behind.

Kurt’s lips were instantly at his earlobe, softly whispering, “This morning was exquisite and beautiful, Mr. Warbler.”

Blaine melted back into his embrace. It felt like coming home after a long tumultuous trip abroad. He placed his hand over Kurt’s at his chest and turned his head gently so that he could kiss the corner of Kurt’s mouth. “Just like you,” he whispered.

Kurt turned him around and pressed a kiss to his lips. Before they knew it they were kissing deeply – languidly - with their arms wrapped tightly around each other.

Bea’s eyes were wide as she stared at her dads. She scrunched up her little nose not knowing whether what she was seeing was gross or cute. She was only four years old, and the last time her daddies showed this much affection toward each other she had been two; she didn’t really remember it. So, this was new to her. And she was confused. She took a small bite of her pancake and kept watching. In the end she decided that her daddies were acting like Aladdin and Princess Jasmine and, as far as she was concerned, there was nothing wrong with that – although, she thought, they had been kissing for way too long.

“Papa,” she interrupted.

Kurt came back to earth gently, pressing his forehead to Blaine’s and closing his eyes. “Yes Honey-Bea?”

“I want morning kisses too,” she squeaked.

“Oh my god, yes,” Kurt broke away from Blaine to take Bea into his arms. “I’m sorry, honey. I was making my way over to you but Daddy distracted me.” He kissed her cheeks a few times and hugged his daughter close.

“It’s okay, Papa." Her little arms circled his neck, hugging. She leaned closer to whisper into his ear. “Daddy gave me bacon,” she giggled.

“Oh my,” Kurt said. “Daddy knows that bacon clogs the arteries, doesn’t he?” He raised an eyebrow at Blaine with his signature Hummel smirk.

Blaine winked and flipped more pancakes.

Kurt laughed and kissed Bea again. “It’s okay. A little piece won’t hurt. Eat up, Honey-Bea, we have to get going soon.”

All of a sudden the mood in the room intensified. “I don’t want to go,” she said in a little voice.

“I know Bea-Bea,” Blaine said as he set Kurt’s plate down in front of him. “Papa and I don’t want to go either but we have to. We need to do some tests and talk to the doctor.”

“I don’t want to talk to the doctor,” Bea crossed her arms. “I’m not sick, Daddy.”

“I know baby,” Blaine combed his fingers through her silky straight hair then poured coffee for Kurt first then himself. “I’m so happy you are feeling better, but we still have to do this. Papa and I will be with you and you can bring Margaret, okay?”

Bea sighed and ate her bacon in silence.

+

When Kurt and Blaine arrived at the clinic they were dealing with a very clingy four year old. She had wrapped herself around Kurt, chest to chest, like a monkey and wouldn’t let go. Kurt was okay with it. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek, trying to calm her (and his) nerves. Blaine let the office assistant know that they had arrived and took a seat beside Kurt and Bea while looking at his vibrating phone.

“Aunties San & Britt are on their way, Beatrice.”

“Can I go home with them? Margaret and I want to see Lord Tubbington.” She pleaded.

Lord Tubbington, Brittany’s long-time pet cat, had long been deceased, but when Brittany recently adopted a new cat she refused to name him anything but Lord Tubbington II. Every time Beatrice would visit them she spent all her attentions on the cat, playing with him for hours.

“Maybe you can have a sleepover one day soon with them baby,” Blaine said gently. “Not tonight, but soon.”

Bea didn’t like his answer, but she knew arguing wouldn’t get her anywhere, at least not with her Daddy; so she pressed her little face to Kurt’s neck and snuggled closer. “Can I please, Papa?” She begged.

Kurt wanted to say yes, but without talking to Santana and Brittany first it was hard to do so, and knowing that Blaine hated when he would go against him made it impossible. “You heard Daddy’s answer,” Kurt said. “Maybe another day.”

Beatrice huffed. “But Papa…”

Kaylee, the nurse interrupted Bea’s whining. “Okay little Miss Beatrice Anderson-Hummel, we are ready for you sweetheart.”

Kurt stood up with Bea still clinging. Blaine placed his hand on the small of Kurt’s back and led them gently to follow Kaylee. They arrived in the examination room and Bea immediately strengthened her grip around Kurt’s body. They had bloodwork and a C.T. scan to get through, but Bea was having none of it. Blaine sighed softly as he placed a quick kiss to Kurt’s temple and then Bea’s. This was going to be a long day.

+

After about fifteen minutes of having to coax Bea from Kurt’s arms, the tests ran smoothly. She got through the bloodwork with her face pressed to Blaine’s chest and her hand in Kurt’s. Both her dads stood by as she had her scan done and when all was finished, they rewarded her with an oatmeal raisin cookie. The test results would take a couple hours to run so they decided to take Bea, Santana, and Brittany out to lunch at a nearby Mediterranean café.

“What do you think Lord Tubbington would order if he were here?” Brittany asked Bea.

Bea giggled and placed her hands to her mouth. “I think he would like the fried cheese that Papa never lets Daddy order.”

“Or maybe tuna souvlaki,” Britt added with a giggle.

Brittany and Bea continued to plan Lord Tubbington’s lunch as Santana sipped on her iced tea and eyed Kurt and Blaine. “It’s nice to see you guys sitting so close,” she said with a smirk.

“We always sit close,” Kurt dipped a wedge of pita into the tzatziki dip.

“Well, the past few times we’ve gotten together you two have been off,” Santana smiled sagely. “It’s really obvious when you two aren’t doing well so I’m just saying it’s nice to see you two happy again.”

“It feels good,” Blaine said and leaned into Kurt, placing his hand on his thigh. “We are getting back on track.”

Kurt smiled at him and fed him a piece of pita. Blaine took it gratefully while Santana rolled her eyes fondly at the public display of affection.

“San, thank you so much for helping us this past month. You don’t know how much it helped that you and Britt did our laundry and cooked for us. We really owe you,” Kurt said.

“Don’t sweat it. You’re our friends and you don’t owe us a thing. I’m just glad I didn’t find any naughty bits of clothing in the laundry.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and Blaine laughed as their server came by with their souvlaki. The five of them enjoyed their lunch despite Blaine never getting to order his saganaki. The conversation was light; Brittany and Santana helped Kurt and Blaine keep their minds off of what was currently going on back at the clinic.

After lunch, they all went to a nearby park. Kurt and Blaine left their daughter with their friends so that they could return to the hospital to speak to Dr. Juneau about the results.

As they entered the clinic, Blaine grasped Kurt’s hand and held it tighter than necessary. “Whatever happens just remember that we are all in this together and we will get through it okay?”

Kurt could only nod. His nerves were getting the best of him. He couldn’t really focus on anything except getting the results. He held Blaine’s hand and tried to breathe away the anxiety that was festering in his stomach.

Dr. Juneau lead them into her office and had them sit. “Gentlemen, I don’t like to prolong things or beat around the bush. And really, time is of the essence so I’m just going to tell you the results straight up.”

Kurt wanted to vomit. Blaine could feel him tense and placed his hand on his shoulder, rubbing small circles.

Dr. Juneau continued. "It seems that the chemotherapy has not taken it’s intended effect.”

Kurt blinked his eyes, trying to decipher what that really meant. Both men stayed silent and let Dr. Juneau elaborate. “Beatrice’s platelets are extremely low and it’s a miracle she is running around as healthy as she has been these past two weeks.”

“What does that mean?” Blaine interrupted.

“It means,” Dr. Juneau paused only slightly, “that the leukemia has intensified and it’s very close to becoming stage two. I’m so sorry.”

Kurt sat frozen. He closed his eyes to ward off the dizzy spells as he replayed Dr. Juneau’s words in his mind _. She’s not gonna die, she’s not gonna die, she’s not gonna die_ , he chanted silently. The only thing that brought him out of his terrified state was the sound of his husband sobbing and the feel of his trembling hand. Kurt opened his eyes to find Blaine doubled over with his hand to his mouth crying.

“Oh honey,” Kurt went into auto-pilot. He leaned Blaine up so that he could take him into his arms and rub circles along his back. “This is not the best news but you told me we would get through it together and that is what we are going to do, okay?”

Blaine could only nod half-heartedly against Kurt’s shoulder as Kurt continued to soothe him. “It’s all going to be okay, honey. We need to be strong for Bea.”

Dr. Juneau spoke softly as she walked to the door, “I’ll give you two a moment. I’ll be right outside when you’re ready.”

As soon as the doctor left the room, Blaine sputtered out, “I … I … Kurt, oh god… Bea…” Blaine trembled as his breath became more and more unstable.

“Okay,” Kurt said, his heart was breaking for Bea, but also for Blaine. Blaine had always been the strong one – the one to hold everyone together, but this news was just too much. Kurt’s anxiety was rising, but he would be damned if he would let his husband down now. He willed himself to push his emotions aside for the time being so that he could help Blaine.

His adrenaline is what kept him grounded enough to function. “Sweetheart, you have to listen to me,” he knelt down in front of Blaine’s chair so that he could look into his eyes. He grasped both his hands and tried to speak soothingly even though he was panicking inside. “Blaine baby, take deep breaths, okay? Try to breath for me. Can you do that?”

Blaine inhaled and nodded quickly, trying to stifle the forceful sobs that were coming from deep in his soul. “She… she …she’s so little, Kurt.” Blaine’s body slumped in the chair as his mouth emitted flurry of sobs. He squeezed his eyes shut and gulped in large erratic breaths, but it was too late. “K…Kur…”

Blaine felt dizzy and light headed. Kurt could only watch as Blaine’s body language told him that he was definitely not okay.

“Blaine?” Blaine heard Kurt’s voice as the room spun. His body trembled violently as he all of a sudden felt extremely cold and dizzy.

“Blaine?” He heard it again but further away, like he was in a tunnel.

And then everything went black.

+

Kurt couldn’t remember a time when he had been more scared – and he had had many reasons to be scared though-out his life. He dealt with bullying and the deaths of three of his immediate family members. But this moment was the worst of his life. His daughter had cancer and it was not improving despite chemotherapy. His husband – the love of his life who had always been his rock - was lying in a hospital bed unconscious.

Forty eight hours ago Kurt would have broken down. He would have had an epic anxiety attack and most likely would have been the one lying in that hospital bed, but knowing how close he had been to losing Blaine made him step up to the plate in a way that he never thought he could do. He was setting his feelings aside. He was fighting the physical and emotional effects of anxiety and being the strong one. He had to be for Blaine and for their daughter.

He had texted Santana explaining what had happened and she and Britt agreed to take Beatrice home with them for the evening. It turned out that little Bea would get to spend the night with Lord Tubbington after all.

After Blaine had passed out, Kurt yelled for Dr. Juneau. She and nurses got Blaine up onto a gurney and checked his vitals. Thankfully, all was well – aside from a rapid heartbeat. They placed him in a room for monitoring and so that he could get some rest. Kurt was reassured that he would be fine and wake up when he was ready, but Kurt couldn’t relax until he had a conscious and healthy Blaine in his arms.

Kurt sat with him, not leaving his side … and never releasing his hand. “Blaine honey, I love you. Come back to me when you’re ready, okay? I want you to just rest for as long as you need to for now.” He leaned forward and kissed his husband’s forehead.

“Mr. Anderson-Hummel?”

Kurt stood up to see Dr. Juneau standing there. “Hi doctor.”

“How is your husband?”

“He’s still resting, hasn’t moved.”

“He’ll be okay. He lost consciousness due to stress, but he’ll be fine.” She smiled. “I’m here because I want to talk about Bea’s next treatment. I wanted to wait for your husband but time is of the essence. I’d like to get started tomorrow if possible.”

“Yes, whatever will help her most,” Kurt agreed.

“Well, we’d like to do a second round of chemo and possibly some radiation therapy.”

“How will it be different from her first treatment?” Kurt asked. “I mean, the first one didn’t work.”

“Because she’s so young we erred on the side of caution and gave her the lightest recipe possible. This time we will be giving her a much stronger dose. That along with radiation will give her a great chance. And, because of the strength of the dose, the side effects will be that much more intense. She most likely won’t be able to go home until the results show that the cancer has gone into remission. We don’t want to chance her contracting a virus. Even a common cold would be detrimental.”

Kurt felt the tears surround his eyes. How were they going to get through this? It had been torture to watch Bea go through the first round of chemo – and now they were going to increase the potency. Kurt felt his body react, his stomach knotted up, his head felt light, his hands got clammy … but he somehow forced those feelings aside and focused on Dr. Juneau. “Be straight with me, doctor. What are her chances?”

“Mr. Anders…”

“Please. Just tell me.”

“Maybe we should have this conversation when your husb…”

Kurt eyes flickered as he cautiously stepped forward and wrapped his arms around himself. “Dr. Juneau, my daughter is now fighting for her life and my husband is lying in a hospital bed. I am at my wits end here. Please don’t make this more difficult than it already is. I simply need for you to be honest with me. What are her chances?”

Dr. Juneau took a breath. “I would say the best case scenario is about a sixty percent chance of survival.”

Kurt nodded at her. “I know my husband has told you this before but please, spare no expense. If she will have a sixty-one percent chance in Australia then that is where we will go. If you need to meet with the world’s top oncologist and need to fly them in from Switzerland, then do so and send me the bill.”

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary but your wishes are understood.”

“It won’t be necessary?” Kurt balked. “Unless you can assure me that my daughter has a one hundred percent chance of survival then anything and everything is necessary, Doctor.”

She nodded. “Yes, Mr. Anderson-Hummel. I’ll see what I can do and report back to you. In the meantime, I will schedule Beatrice for treatment tomorrow at nine in the morning.”

“Sure. Thank you.”

The moment Dr. Juneau slipped out of the room and closed the door, Kurt broke down. He sobbed softly in pure anguish at what his family was going through. He needed to call Carole and Pam, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do that right now. All he wanted was his husband. So, he quickly sent Santana a text telling her that he would pick Beatrice up in the morning then climbed up onto Blaine’s bed to lay with him. He placed his head delicately on his shoulder, gathered Blaine’s hand in his as he wrapped his other arm around him and cried himself to sleep.

+

Blaine came to at 5:07 in the morning. He was confused at first, but once he saw Kurt sleeping beside him the memory of the day before came crashing back to him. _Bea_ , was his first thought. _Where is Bea and is she okay?_

“Kurt?” His hand stroked Kurt’s cheek softly to wake him. “Honey, wake up please.”

Kurt’s head shop up so quickly that pain shot down his neck and into his shoulder. He winced but ignored it. “Blaine, baby. How are you feeling?” Kurt scooted so that he was sitting beside him. His hand caressed Blaine’s cheek lovingly. “You scared me so much.”

“I’m sorry. The last thing I remember is not being able to breathe but Kurt, where’s Bea?”

“She’s fine. She’s with San and Britt. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay. I have a headache and I’m thirsty … And I’m worried.”

Kurt placed a kiss to Blaine’s cheek. “I’ll get you some painkillers and water.”

“No, don’t leave me.”

“I’ll just be a second.”

“No, baby. Please. Stay with me.”

Kurt’s head tilted. “I love you,” he said and settled back down against Blaine, trying his best to wrap him up in love.

“Kurt, thank you,” Blaine’s voice was filled with emotion.

“For what, honey?”

“For being strong. I always knew you were. But you’ve been through so much these past two years, two weeks, and the past twenty–four hours. You’ve really held it all together. I’m proud of you and grateful for you.” Blaine’s hand caressed Kurt’s sleep-mussed hair and swept a lock off his forehead. Blaine was fully (and proudly) aware that he was the only person in the world who could touch the Hummel hairdo.

Kurt closed his eyes as Blaine pet him. “You’ve been such a rock for us forever, it’s my turn now, sweetheart.”

“It’s our turn,” Blaine corrected. “You and me. We are going to be strong for our daughter and she is going to get through this, Kurt.”

“God, I hope you’re right, Blaine. I’m so scared.” Kurt wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Blaine about his conversation with Dr. Juneau, but Blaine deserved to know so Kurt told him everything. Blaine was silent as he thought about Bea’s chances.

“Blaine, are you okay?”

“No, Kurt. I’m not. But when Bea beats this thing I will be. We all will be.”

Kurt took Blaine’s hand and kissed his palm as he closed his eyes. He put all his trust into his husband’s words and he prayed to Burt Hummel that his family would come out of this unscathed. _Please, Dad_ , he thought. _Help Bea. Take care of us_. _Make us whole again_.


	7. Treatment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm not a medical expert.  
> Thanks for reading :)

It had been six hours since Beatrice’s second (and most aggressive) round of chemotherapy. Despite that, she was in good spirits and feeling fine as she sat in her hospital room in her Grandma Pam’s lap as Pam read her a story. Blaine sat in the corner watching his mother and daughter bond as he drank his bottle of Gatorade. He was feeling better – mostly due to hydration and his doting husband. Kurt hadn’t left his side. And neither of them had left Bea’s side either.

The morning had been a busy one. Kurt and Blaine both called in to their respective companies telling them the news that they wouldn’t be going into the office any time soon. As far as both men were concerned, work became something that had become low priority. Truthfully, they didn’t need to work – both of their companies could basically run themselves and what did demand their attention would have to settle for Wes and Tina, respectively.

Pam and Carole had also been called and they came as soon as they found out the news. Both women had been slotted to fly back home, but once they found out that Bea was not improving they decided to stay longer with only Cooper returning to L.A. to fulfill his work duties. Kurt and Blaine were insistent that their mothers move into their penthouse – there was plenty of room and it looked like they would be in it for the long haul.

Kurt placed his hand over Blaine’s as they sat together watching and waiting. He knew what was to come, despite the anti-nausea and pain killers the nurses had given their daughter. He only hoped that the three of them would be strong enough to withstand it. There was nothing more heart-breaking than watching your little girl suffer.

Aside from the two grandmothers and two fathers, Bea’s room was busy with Kaylee and a multitude of other nurses and doctors buzzing in and out. Kurt thought that it may have had something to do with the increased chemo dosage, or maybe it was because Kurt had made it clear that no expense should be bared.

Carole watched the boys from her chair in the corner and once again tried to convince them to get some fresh air.  “Why don’t you boys go out for a walk and get some fresh air and coffee?”

Both of them shook their heads. “We don’t want to leave her,” Blaine said.

“But Pam and I are here, honey.”

“I know but we won’t be able to enjoy the air or the coffee. We’ll just be thinking about her. Maybe later … you know, after.”

Carole nodded. “Well, would you like for me to go get you something?”

“We’re fine, Carole, thank you,” Kurt’s voice sounded weak and vulnerable.

Carole pulled up a chair and grasped Kurt’s hand. “She’ll be okay, honey. Maybe not now, but soon I want you two to go out and spend some time together. You need to relax and rest. Maybe you guys can sleep at home and Pam and I will take the night shift. You need to be at your best for each other and for her, okay?”

“Daddy, it’s coming,” Bea’s voice interrupted urgently. “She wiggled quickly out of Pam’s lap and ran to Blaine who was prepared with a bucket. She stood on her toes, placed both her hands on Blaine’s thigh and bent over the bucket, vomiting violently. Carole grasped her hair and held it back while Kurt rubbed her back with one hand and Blaine’s with the other. “Papaaa,” she wailed between wretches. “Dad...” Again, she heaved. It was never-ending and forceful. Kurt and Blaine both had tears in their eyes as they tried to sooth her.

“Don’t try to talk honey-Bea,” Kurt said. “We are all here for you. Just let it out and breathe.” Kurt’s heart broke as she continued to vomit. Her face flushed a deep red and tears of exertion streamed down her cheeks.

She paused, waiting for another flurry but it didn’t come. She looked up at Blaine with heartbroken eyes. “Daddy, I want to sleep,” she said weakly.

Blaine put the bucket aside and gathered his daughter into his arms. He placed her gently on the bed and covered her with the blankets while Kurt tended to her face with a warm wet washcloth. Bea could barely keep her eyes open. She sniffled against her pillow, her eyes fluttering closed as she quickly fell asleep without another word. Blaine looked into Kurt’s eyes and shook his head. His mouth began to tremble and he knew that he would break down so he quickly exited Bea’s room and ran into the common family area down the hall; thankfully it was empty. Kurt followed him and found him curled up in an armchair with tears streaming down his face.

“Honey.”

Blaine was silent – it was like he was in his own world, unaware of where he was or who was around him. Kurt sat delicately beside him.

“Blaine.” He waited a few seconds then repeated, “Blaine, sweetheart.”

“That was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life,” Blaine swallowed his tears.

“Me too.” Kurt was feeling it just as much as Blaine was but he was being true to his own word. He stifled his emotions and his anxiety to be the rock for his family. “I think it would help the both of us to talk about it,” he said quietly.

“I don’t want to,” Blaine murmured. “I just want to sit here.”

“Blaine, don’t shut me out. Don’t make the same mistake I did, please.”

“Kurt, I can’t.”

“I want to help you. And, I need you too.”

“Our daughter, Kurt…” Blaine sobbed and pressed his hand over his face, letting the emotions out. “She… she could be taken… away from us,” he cried hard into his hands as the words hit home. “Oh god. Kurt, we can’t lose her.”

“We’re not going to lose her,” Kurt’s tone was not as convincing as he wanted it to be. “We need to stay positive, baby.” He gathered Blaine into his arms and pressed his lips to his temple. “Please, let’s be positive for her. She doesn’t understand what she’s going through. She doesn’t understand why she is sick all the time. We are the ones who need to be there to give her answers when she asks and to give her comfort when she needs it.”

“I don’t know how,” Blaine sniffled.

Kurt grabbed a tissue from the side table and dabbed at Blaine’s face lovingly. “Yes you do. You’ve been doing it for four years already and this is no different.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine blurted out. “I’m so sorry, Kurt.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kurt shifted so that he could look into Blaine’s wet eyes. “You have nothing – absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m just such a mess. I want to be strong for you and for her. I just… God, it’s so hard to think of what it would be like witho…”

Kurt shushed him before he could say anything more. “Listen to me, Blaine. She’s not going to die. She’s not. I’ve had too many people taken from me and I will not let Bea be another one. I won’t.”

“It’s out of our control,” Blaine whispered sadly.

“Blaine, hoping and positive thinking is not out of our control. Being there for her and loving her is not out of our control.” Kurt placed his hands on Blaine’s cheeks and kissed his lips chastely. “I will hold you up as long as you need me to, Blaine Anderson-Hummel, but I would rather stand strong together through all of this.” He held out his hand, waiting for Blaine to take it.

Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When his eyes opened again he saw that Kurt was still staring at him with the same loving gaze and that his hand was still held open for him.  He sat up, took Kurt’s hand and squeezed it. “Okay,” he took in another breath and let it out slowly. “Let’s go check on our daughter and then we are going to take Carole’s advice. Will you allow me to buy you a coffee?”

Kurt smiled. _Oh, there you are_. “With whipped cream?” He asked cheekily.

Blaine grinned and kissed the corner of Kurt’s mouth. “With whipped cream.”

+

A week later Kurt and Blaine found themselves in the pediatric wing’s playroom. They were surrounded by about ten children and a few parents. Bea was in the corner playing with a wooden barn and an array of toy farm animals. Another little girl who had tubes in her nose and a bandana on her head was playing with her. They seemed to be getting along and Kurt and Blaine were grateful that she had found a friend. She of course was not allowed out of the hospital because of her compromised immune system so it was nice that she had peers to play with.

The week had been a hard one. Bea had been physically sick for three more days and Kurt and Blaine were beginning to completely lose their composure as they lived through watching their daughter suffer. It got so bad on Tuesday night that Carole, Pam, and Kaylee basically ordered them to go out and do something together away from the hospital. They didn’t want to cause a scene or make Bea upset so they decided to just take the advice. They went for a quick dinner at their favourite Italian bistro then went to a movie. They both tried to keep their minds off of hospitals, cancer, chemotherapy and vomiting but they were only half successful. Half of their brains and hearts were back in the hospital room with Bea. But they had been grateful for the break and happy to be together.

Their relationship grew stronger with each passing day, although there really was no room for fighting or ignoring each other as they were one hundred percent focused on Bea and her needs. All they did was take care of her, take care of each other, eat enough to get by, and sleep – although that had become elusive as Bea kept waking in the night asking for her bucket.

As Kurt and Blaine sat together watching Bea play, Dr. Juneau entered the playroom and pulled up a chair beside them. “Hello gentlemen,” she said kindly.

“Hi Doc, we weren’t expecting you today,” Blaine said.

“No, I was just making some rounds and saw you guys in here.” She pointed to Beatrice. “She seems to be doing better today.”

“Thank goodness,” Kurt breathed. “Today is the first day that she hasn’t vomited and that she’s wanted to leave her room. It’s nice to see her playing.”

“That is great to hear,” the doctor said. “Seeing as she is feeling better, I want to conduct some more tests this afternoon. The results will tell us if we need to implement the radiation therapy, more chemotherapy, or wait.”

“Would it be safe to give her more treatments so soon,” Kurt asked?

Dr. Juneau looked at him with compassionate eyes. "To be honest, it wouldn’t be the best scenario to give her another treatment so soon, but it would be worse if we didn’t give her a treatment if she really needs it. Think about it as the lesser of two evils.”

Blaine let out a breath and Kurt slid his hand over his, squeezing it. “Doctor, will she be okay?”

“We are doing everything we can so that she will be, Mr. Anderson-Hummel. I know this is terrifying for the both of you but trust that we are doing our very best.”

Blaine was beyond playing polite. He only wanted to know the truth about his daughter, her illness, and the treatment. “And what if your best is not good enough?” He asked and looked directly into her eyes.

“Honey,” Kurt intercepted. “Let’s be positive, okay?”

“No, Kurt,” Blaine’s voice came out louder than he wished it to be and some of the children took notice. He lowered it and repeated, “No, Kurt. I’m done with sugar coating everything. Our Beatrice is terribly ill and I want to know what is going to happen if the chemotherapy and the radiation don’t take effect.”

“Blaine, please, don’t think about it…”

“I want to be prepared, Kurt.”

Kurt leaned in so that only Blaine could hear him. “Prepared for what, Blaine? For Beatrice to die?” He flinched as he said it but it was something Blaine needed to hear. “Do you really think we can be prepared for something like that? What we have to do is be prepared for her to get better. We need to be positive and optimistic.”

Blaine hung his head silently as Kurt continued. “I know this is hard, Blaine. I’m going through it too. And I’ve been through it twice before in a sense. But we can’t think that way. If you need help we can get you a therapist. You can see mine or maybe Dr. Juneau can recommend one.”

“I can,” Dr. Juneau said. We have plenty on staff for patients and their families.

Blaine didn’t want to talk about this – especially not with Dr. Juneau. “Thanks doc. I’ll let you know if I want to venture down that road.” He then turned to Kurt. "Can we please just enjoy our daughter playing and talk about his later?”

Kurt squeezed his hand and nodded, knowing full well that Blaine was dodging the subject.

+

Beatrice did go for the afternoon tests and when the results came back the next morning Kurt and Blaine received some good news and some bad news. The treatment was working – Beatrice was improving, but the cancer was still growing at an alarming rate so the doctors thought the best course of action would be to hit it with another round of chemotherapy. And they didn’t want to wait the additional two weeks for Beatrice’s body to recover. It was an aggressive plan, but Dr. Juneau was adamant that this was the best course of action to beat the cancer.

Blaine wasn’t so sure.

“Kurt, they usually wait three weeks in between treatments for a reason. Her little body needs to recover,” Blaine was pacing the small common family room.

“I know honey, but while we are waiting for her body to recover the cancer cells are wreaking havoc in her body. We need to be proactive on this and hopefully it will be the last time. I have faith that you and me and Bea can get through this. We have the best doctors and nurses available and they will help us.”

“God, I wish I could just make all of this go away.” Blaine swallowed down his tears.

“I know, me too.” Kurt took Blaine into his arms and rubbed circles along his back. How did he become the calm and rational one? When did he put his anxiety aside and become the rock for his family?

Despite everything going on around him, Kurt had been to three sessions with the therapist Rachel had recommended and to his surprise she had been a world of help so far. She showed him ways to deal with his grief and anxiety on an as-needed basis. She taught him ways to diffuse his thoughts and feelings and to deflect them into something more positive and productive. They were simple techniques really but, luckily for Kurt, they were working. He knew he had a long way to go – in particular in dealing with mourning his dad, but it had been a good start and the things he learned he was putting into practice daily.

Blaine hugged him suddenly. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Kurt, I don’t know where I’d be without you. I know I keep freaking out. I’m scared, Kurt. Really scared. But it’s a million times better with you by my side.”

“We are a family Blaine and we are going to continue to be through this and everything else.” Kurt drew back so that he could look into Blaine’s eyes. “I love you Blaine Anderson-Hummel.” Kurt kissed him softly on the lips and smiled into his eyes. “Now, let’s go relieve the grandmothers. I bet Bea is driving them nuts.”

+

Beatrice sat though her next treatment like a pro. Kurt and Blaine were proud of her, although they knew that wasn’t the hard part. It was four hours of sitting while the medicine infiltrated her little body. Blaine coloured with her, played games, and read her books, but when it came time to act out Margaret’s voice, Beatrice only wanted Kurt.

“You are being such a good girl,” Kurt said in a British Margaret-Thatcher-esque voice while he bounced Margaret up and down. “I think when we get out of here, we will have to ask Daddy and Papa for some Bea and Marg treats, don’t you think?”

Beatrice giggled. “Daddy, Papa, do you think Margaret and I can gave a treat when I’m all better?”

Blaine knew that if the three (or four with Margaret) of them survived this he would acquire anything that Bea wanted. “Of course Bea-Bea,” he said.

“Ooo,” Kurt said in Margaret’s voice. “I want a big lollypop.”

Bea laughed. “Margaret you are so silly. Dogs don’t eat lollypops. You’re going to get a bone.”

Kurt made Margaret’s little face sag in disappointment while Blaine’s heart broke for the little dog.

“Daddy,” Bea looked up at him with big blue eyes and fluttered her lashes just like she’d seen her Papa do.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Blaine chuckled at the antics.

“For my treat, I would like a pony.”

Kurt choked out a laugh. “Beatrice honey, we don’t have anywhere to house a pony. And they need to be taken care of. It’s not like having a dog or a cat.”

“Please Daddy?” She asked, ignoring Kurt.

“Sure, baby. Anything you want.” Blaine kissed the top of her head.

Kurt’s eyes widened as he looked at his husband giving him an _are-you-insane_ look.

Blaine shrugged and grinned at Kurt and Kurt knew that it was only a matter of time before Bea got a pony.

+

With the treatment done, Kurt and Blaine, along with Kaylee, took Beatrice back to her room so that she could have dinner. She didn’t eat much, stating that she wasn’t hungry which actually meant that she was already nauseous. But in addition to the nausea, Kaylee discovered another side effect of the treatment. Bea had sores inside her mouth which made it painful for her to eat or even drink and swallow. Kaylee gave her a salt water rinse and a clear ointment to put on the inside of her lips. Kurt and Blaine were of course sympathetic and didn’t push for Bea to brush her teeth as they always did. Foregoing the teeth brushing, they proceeded to give her a bath, read her books, and get her ready for sleep.

Kurt sat on her bed braiding her hair while Blaine solved a puzzle with her. As Blaine connected one of the pieces he noticed that Kurt’s hands had stopped moving. He looked up to see Kurt frozen with wide watery eyes. He looked at Blaine and pressed a finger to his own mouth, telling him to shush and act normal. Blaine was confused but when he saw what was in Kurt’s hand, it all came together. He blinked away the tears threatening to form in his eyes and distracted Bea as best as he could.

“Can you find the piece with pink and blue like this one, Bea-Bea?”

Kurt calmly stood up and walked into the bathroom. Once he was safely tucked away he looked at his hands, holding thick pieces of Bea’s hair. It had started to fall out by the chunks. He had known this would be a side effect, but there was nothing like holding your daughter’s hair in your hands to drive home the reality of it all. He let the chunks fall from his hands and into the toilet. Kurt didn’t want any evidence left behind because if Bea realized what was happening she would completely lose it. He flushed it down as tears streamed down his cheeks. He washed his hands and splashed water on his face, trying to calm himself down. He felt the anxiety creeping up his chest and he closed his eyes, thinking of happy things and breathing like his therapist had taught him. He was in there for ten minutes before he heard the door open gently and his husband’s voice.

“Baby, are you okay?”

He turned to face him, “oh, Blaine.”

Blaine shut the door and took Kurt into his arms. Kurt pressed his face into his shoulder and cried quietly, not wanting Bea to hear. “Blaine, her hair,” he whispered. “It is falling out in chunks, not just strands but chunks.”

“I know honey. I saw it. But you know she didn’t suspect anything. We have time to figure out what we’re going to tell her.”

“She’s not going to take it well, Blaine. You know that she is so proud of her hair because it’s exactly like Auntie Tina’s.”

“I know but we’ll think of something. Maybe Tina can talk to her,” Blaine kissed his cheek. “But right now, she’s sleeping and I’m more concerned about you. I know how much you love her hair too.”

“I’m fine. I’ve calmed myself down and I have your arms around me.”

Blaine nuzzled into Kurt’s neck. “I’m so proud of you, Kurt. A month ago this would have been a disaster for you.”

Kurt could only nod.

“Come on,” Blaine tugged him toward the door. “Let’s get to bed. It’s only a matter of time before she wakes up sick again. we need to rest. At least I do. I need my beauty sleep, you know.”

Kurt smiled and leaned into his husband. “Sleep or not, you are always beautiful to me.”


	8. Auntie Tina

The two weeks that followed were the hardest of the Anderson-Hummels’ lives. Beatrice was sick round the clock. The sores in her mouth made it nearly impossible for her to swallow, let alone eat. Dr. Juneau ordered for her to be hooked up to an IV so that she could receive nourishment and avoid dehydration. Her body was weak and vulnerable so when she wasn’t crying from the pain in her mouth, or complaining of nausea, she was listless in her bed or asleep. Then there were the bouts of vomiting, which never eased up. She hadn’t eaten much at all so when she emptied the contents of her empty stomach, it was not a pretty sight.

Kurt and Blaine naturally did not like seeing their daughter so sick and listless but, in a way, Kurt was grateful that she wasn’t as aware as she would usually be because her hair kept falling out in chunks. Kurt tried his best to cover it up for her. He tried combing it in a way where it didn’t show too much, braiding it, or putting it up into a bun. It was obvious to everyone that her beautiful hair was falling out, but Bea didn’t seem to notice - at least not yet.

While Kurt sat beside Bea’s bed reading the latest Vogue, Blaine was in the family room on the phone. “Tina, she is going to be so upset when she realizes her hair is falling out. Would you mind being here when we tell her? We’re going to have to eventually. I mean, I think she’ll feel better if her Auntie Tina told her that she is still adorable and beautiful and that it will grow back. I just think it would be better coming from a woman.”

“Of course, Blaine. I will definitely be there. When are you guys going to tell her?”

“I don’t know. I’ll talk to Kurt and let you know.”

“Okay. Just tell me and I’ll be there. I wanted to visit her anyway but I just haven’t been able to get away from work.”

“Work,” Blaine hummed. “Kurt and I haven’t even thought about work. How is Hummel Brug coming along?”

“Things are running. It’s a little hairy at times without Kurt and a few projects have had to be put on hold because the clients only want designs from Kurt and Kurt alone, but all in all it’s fine. Don’t you two worry yourselves with work. I’ve got it covered and I’m sure Wes does too.”

“Yeah. I spoke with Wes yesterday. He won’t tell me any details. He says he’s got it under control and to just focus on Bea.”

“That’s what we all want, Blaine.”

“Thank God for you guys. Thank you, Tina. I will let you know when to stop by, okay?”

“Yup. In the meantime give Bea a kiss from me. And you take care of yourself too, Blainey. We are all worried about you and Kurt.”

“Thank you. We’ll get through this. We have to.” Blaine sighed.

+

When Blaine was walking back to Bea’s room he knew right away that something was wrong. He could hear Bea crying from the hallway. He quickly entered and saw Kurt sitting in the recliner in the corner with Bea in his lap. He had his arms wrapped around her tightly as he rocked her and kissed the top of her head while whispering to her. Bea was sobbing with her eyes closed, her cheeks red, and her hands at her temples as she chanted, “Ow, ow, ow, ow, Papa.”

“Kurt, what happened?” Blaine wheeled the IV tree out of the way and knelt on the floor. His hand rubbed along Bea’s arm, trying to soothe her.

Kurt’s voice was whispered as to not disturb Bea. "She woke up with a headache. She said it’s really bad. Kaylee is coming with painkillers.”

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, Papa, Daddy,” Bea cried.

Tears sprung into Blaine’s eyes. He desperately wanted all the side effects to disappear. Watching his daughter go through this without being able to fix it was nothing short of excruciating. “Kaylee is coming with medicine, Bea-Bea. Hold on for us, okay?” He looked into Kurt’s eyes and saw that they were wet and wide with worry.

Suddenly Bea started to squirm and moan. She was unable to speak but her eyes sprung open and without warning she vomited onto Blaine’s shirt. “Daddyyyy,” she cried and then vomited again. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” she sputtered as fresh tears slipped from her red eyes. Her hands pressed to her own temples again as she continued to sob into Kurt’s chest.

Blaine ignored the mess on his shirt and placed his hand on her back, rubbing circles. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re going to get better Beatrice. You are. This is going to be over soon, honey.”

Kurt was crying silently. He knew that if he opened his mouth to say something nothing would come out but guttural heart-broken sobs. He couldn’t even look into Blaine’s eyes because if he did, they would both break. So he closed his eyes and just rocked his daughter back and forth and prayed that it would all be over soon.

Kaylee finally returned with the much needed medicine. Kurt and Blaine thought it would be pills or some sort of liquid for children but she came in with a syringe and inserted the contents directly into Bea’s IV. “She needs relief and this will be the quickest,” Kaylee said. “It’s a normal side effect and I’m surprised she hadn’t experienced it yet. The medicine will help.” She looked at Blaine. “She should be feeling better in a few minutes. In the meantime I’ll bring you some towels to clean yourself up.” She placed her hand gently on Bea’s head. “Let me know if you need anything else at all.”

Within ten minutes Beatrice was asleep in Kurt’s arms. They weren’t sure if it was the medicine or pure exhaustion. Maybe it was both, but Kurt and Blaine were relieved that she was resting. Kurt placed her delicately into her bed and then went out into the hall to take a few breaths. Blaine slipped out a few minutes later and grasped his hand. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Do you want to go home and get a good night’s sleep?”

“No, I just need to be left alone please.”

“No, Kurt. I’m not leaving you alone. Don’t shut me out. Come on.”

“Blaine now is not the time.”

Blaine would not let this happen again. He knew Kurt may blow up at him, but he would eventually come around so it was worth the risk. And if Kurt blew up at him at least he would be communicating and not retreating into darkness. He leaned in closer to Kurt, and spoke softly at his ear. “Kurt Anderson-Hummel, I will not let you do this. I know you’re hurting and worried. I know you want to curl up into yourself, but this is how we went down that dark path before. Please talk to me. Let me help you.”

Kurt started gasping in breath, which quickly turned into forceful sobs, “B…Bl…Blaine…” he blurted.

Blaine took him by the arm and led him into the family room and closed the door. “Breathe, Kurt. Remember what your therapist taught you.”

“I…I…can’t do this anymore.”

“Yes you can and yes you will. For Bea.”

Kurt shut his eyes tight and raised a trembling hand to his mouth, trying to not lose all composure. He fell onto the couch and wrapped his arms around himself. He felt the anxiety race full force up into his chest. “Oh God. Blaine.”

“Okay,” Blaine sat beside him. “Put your head between your legs and take deep breaths.” Kurt did what he was told. He was terrified of passing out. He was terrified of not being able to breathe.

“In and out honey, deep breaths. You can do it.”

“I c…can’t”

“You can. Do it for me, honey. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Concentrate on only that. Just breathing, nothing else.” Blaine was frightened. He rubbed Kurt’s back softly, not wanting to overwhelm him, but wanting him to know that he wasn’t alone.

Kurt started breathing. His back rose and fell beneath Blaine’s hand as he tried to regulate the rhythm. He stayed that way – bend over and breathing for about ten minutes, then when he felt stable again, he sat up slowly and leaned back onto the couch.

“There we go,” Blaine said softly. “There you are. You did it, sweetheart.”

“That was awful. I mean, Bea’s episode. It was awful.”

“It was. But we got through it.”

Kurt looked at Blaine with tired eyes. “Thank you.”

Blaine smiled. "Of course. We are in this together.” He leaned in and placed a kiss to Kurt’s temple.

“I just want to sleep,” Kurt mumbled.

“Me too,” Blaine agreed. “You need a good night’s sleep and I need to go home to shower and get out of this shirt. What do you say I call my mom to stay with Bea tonight so that we can recharge?”

“What if Bea wakes up?”

“My mom is completely willing and capable. Plus Kaylee is working the night shift and we are just a phone call away.”

“I don’t know, Blaine.”

“I’ll make her promise to call us for any little thing. Come on, Kurt, we need this. Tomorrow will be another hard day.”

Kurt took a deep breath. “Okay. Call your mom. And Carole. They can tag-team.”

“Done,” Blaine said.

+

With Pam and Carole happily situated in Bea’s room, Kurt and Blaine made their way home. They were worried about Bea spending the night without them but the truth was they were in dire need of homemade food, a hot shower, their bed, and each other. Once they got home, Kurt turned the oven on low to warm up the pot roast that Carole had left for them. While that was heating, they decided to shower together – not for any other reason than they just wanted to be with each other. Neither man could stomach being alone at this point.

Kurt poured shampoo into his palm and lathered it into Blaine’s curls, lovingly. Blaine thought he would melt as Kurt began massaging his scalp. Kurt continued to wash and condition his hair then began the slow process of washing his husband’s body with the loofah and his favourite almond-scented body wash.

Blaine was in heaven. For a moment he forgot about everything that was ailing his family and he just let himself be cared for and loved. Once he was rinsed, he returned the favour by shampooing Kurt’s thick hair and washing his milky sculpted body. As he was rinsing the conditioner from Kurt’s hair he leaned in and placed a delicate kiss onto his shoulder.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Kurt turned to rub his nose against Blaine’s and murmured, “I love you too,” placing a gentle kiss to his lips.

After their shower, they dried and dressed in fresh pyjamas and made their way to the kitchen to eat their dinner. They ate in comfortable silence, both too worn out to get into any heavy conversation, but they enjoyed being with each other and Kurt reached over every now and then to squeeze Blaine’s hand.

Once the dishes were in the dishwasher and their phones were set to the highest volume in case a call from the hospital came, they climbed into bed to get much needed rest. As Blaine lay in Kurt’s embrace he nudged his nose beneath his husband’s jawbone, beckoning silently. Kurt nuzzled down against his husband and pressed his lips to his, kissing him gently while his palm rested on Blaine’s cheek.

“God, I miss you,” Kurt murmured.

Blaine hummed against Kurt’s throat, “I miss you too. So much.”

He surged up to take another kiss. He had no ulterior motive. He simply wanted to feel close to Kurt. They kissed for a few minutes while their hands roamed but in the end, their exhaustion got the best of them. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, with Blaine pressed closely to Kurt’s neck.

They slept peacefully and uninterrupted, and when they woke up their bodies and their souls were still tangled together.

+

The third week was better. Beatrice was almost back to her normal self. She was still exhausted, but she was no longer lethargic and listless. The nausea, vomiting, and headaches stopped and the sores in her mouth were diminishing, which meant she could start eating liquids and soft foods.

Because their little girl was imporving, Kurt and Blaine were feeling better too – they were a bit more rested and a little less worried, although the test results still weren’t back, so they didn’t know if and when more treatment was required. They spoke with Dr. Juneau, who told them that she wanted to be one hundred percent sure of the results, given that Bea had been through so much, so she sent the tests out to get a second opinion, which would take a week or so longer.

With Bea’s improved state came her awareness. One morning when Kurt was combing the little bit of hair she had left, she noticed that something wasn’t right. Her little hand crept up her neck into her (very thin) hair and she paused. “Papa?”

Kurt’s heart broke.

“Papa, what happened to my hair?” Her little hand felt around her head, trying to gauge what was going on. She latched on to a few strands and when she ran her fingers through it she was left with a palm full of her own hair.

Her scream was heard through-out the ward. Blaine, who had been returning from the washroom, and a few nurses heard it and rushed into her room. Bea was screaming at Kurt, asking why her hair was falling out and why he wasn’t letting her look at herself in the mirror. Kurt was physically trying to hold her back from her bolting into the bathroom.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Blaine said. “Beatrice, calm down.”

“Daddy, my hair!" She screamed.

“I know baby. We’ll explain it to you but you need to calm down and stop screaming.”

“I want to see it!" She yelled.

“Beatrice Rose,” Blaine’s voice boomed.

Both Bea and Kurt stopped and looked up at Blaine.

“Beatrice Rose,” Blaine said in a lower and calmer voice. “I know you’re upset, but please stop screaming at us. We will explain everything okay?”

Tears fell freely down her face and she took in a hitched breath. Kurt took her into his arms and kissed her balding head while Blaine sat beside them.

“As you know, Bea, the treatment you received kills the bad cells in your body but also kills some of the good ones. Some of those are the cells that make your hair healthy. That’s why your hair has fallen out, baby.” Kurt said then bit his lip to stop himself from losing it.

Blaine took over. "But losing your hair doesn’t make you less strong or less kind or less funny or less beautiful. In fact, Papa and I think it makes you more of everything that makes you special because it doesn’t matter what you look like. You are still our amazing Beatrice and we still love you just as much as we always have.”

Bea’s eyes darted to Blaine’s then up to Kurt’s and back again. “I don’t want to look like a boy, Daddy.”

“Oh honey, you do not look like a boy. And soon, your hair will grow back, I promise.”

“But what if when it grows back it doesn’t look like Auntie Tina’s anymore?” Bea sniffled against Kurt’s chest.

Kurt said, “I think it will, but you know what? Auntie Tina is going to visit you today and you can talk with her about it okay?”

Bea nodded. “Can she come now?”

“I’ll call her,” Blaine said. “But you have to promise me that you won’t scream anymore okay? It’s not nice to scream at Papa or anyone, and you really scared some of the nurses.”

“Sorry Daddy,” she moved to give Blaine a hug and hid her face to his neck.

“We love you, Bea-Bea.”

+

Tina rushed into the hospital forty-five minutes later. Blaine had explained Bea’s epic meltdown to her over the phone so Tina had devised a plan that she hoped would make Bea feel better. Tina had always had a splash of selfishness to her personality. She didn’t easily do things for others unless it was for someone she loved, and she did love Bea with all her heart. She was a part of her after all.

Tina had never wanted to take on a mother’s role, and Kurt and Blaine had made it clear from the start that only they would be Bea’s parents - she would be Bea’s aunt. This worked well for Tina and for everyone. But Bea had a special place in Tina’s heart and, although they didn’t see each other as often as they wanted (due to Tina’s insane work schedule), they had a special bond.

Plus, Tina had a special relationship with Kurt and Blaine. Kurt was a long-time friend and her boss. He had always been kind to her while they were in school together and afterward when her life had been in limbo. He helped her work out what she wanted to do with her life – there had been so many options, she had felt lost. She had once considered being a dentist, a lawyer, or a performer, but it wasn’t until Kurt convinced her that she would be amazing in the fashion industry that she found her niche. She went to school and the day she graduated Kurt hired her to oversee all production at Hummel Brug. As for Blaine, well, apart from her husband Artie, Blaine was her best friend – since high school – and the truth was, she would do absolutely anything for him.

So as she entered Bea’s room she found herself in what should be a terrifying position, but she knew that what she was about to do would make Bea, Kurt, and Blaine feel better so there was no hesitation in her whatsoever.

“Hi my little pumpkin,” Tina cooed at Bea.

“Auntie Tina!” Bea screeched and flung herself into Tina’s arms while her fist grabbed hold of a long strand of her hair in comfort.

“How are you feeling, my beautiful?”

“Auntie, my hair,” Bea whimpered sadly.

“Oh, honey, I see your hair but I have to say you still look like the beautiful Bea we all love.”

“But it’s not like yours anymore.”

“Well,” Tina said as she sat down with Bea in her lap, “If it’s okay with your dads I have a plan to help with that.”

Blaine approached and bent to kiss Tina on the cheek. "Oh, now we’re intrigued,” he smiled.

“Tell us, Tina,” Kurt piped up.

Tina looked down at Bea. “Auntie brought a pair of hair clippers. I was wondering if you would let me clean Bea up by shaving the remaining hair off before it falls out.” Bea’s eyes went wide as she stiffened in Tina’s arms but Tina continued, “And I will do the same by shaving all of my hair off to match Bea’s.”

“Tina!” Blaine cried.

“You can’t do that,” Kurt said.

“Let’s do it, Auntie!” Bea squealed.

“Wait, wait,” Blaine stood up again. “Tina. Your hair. You can’t just shave your head. What about work? What about Artie?”

“Well, Artie supports me and Bea – although, really he has no say in what I do with my hair. And work, well, it’s a good thing my boss is sitting right there so that he can give his approval.”

“Tina,” Kurt stood up. "This is incredibly moving and brave of you. And work is not an issue – you know that, but are you sure? I mean, this is a huge decision.”

“You guys,” Tina said. “Listen to yourselves. It’s just hair. It grows back. Bea’s will grow back and so will mine. I want to do this with her.”

“Please Papa?” Bea interrupted. “Please Daddy?”

Kurt and Blaine looked at each other then looked back at Tina. The expression she wore was the one they often saw when they knew she was not going to back down.

“Okay,” Blaine said.

“Alright,” Kurt agreed.

An hour later both Bea and Tina found themselves giggling like mad as they looked at each other in the mirror. Both their heads were bald, but neither one of them felt ashamed or any less beautiful. Kurt and Blaine watched them with tears in their eyes. Blaine pressed his lips to Kurt’s temple and whispered, “Aside from the egg she donated to us, this is the most beautiful thing Tina has ever done.”

“I’m giving her a raise,” Kurt said. “And an extra two weeks of vacation time. And that’s just for starters.”

+

The next morning Kurt and Blaine returned to the hospital hand in hand from their joint therapy session. They were happy because the sessions were going well. Kurt knew that with more sessions and hard work he would be able to get over the hump of grieving and his relationship with Blaine would benefit greatly from it – it already had. He saw how the two sessions Blaine had sat in on had already started helping him too. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He knew for certain that he would be okay, Blaine would be okay, and their marriage would be okay. All he wanted now was for Bea to be okay.

“Gentlemen,” Dr. Juneau stopped them as they entered the ward.

“Hi Doc,” Blaine said. “Are the results back?”

“As a matter of fact they are,” she said. “And I was wondering if you could come into my office so that I can talk to you about them.”

Kurt’s hand tightened in Blaine’s as Dr. Juneau added, “I was just in with Bea. She’s in the playroom with her grandmas so she’ll be fine for a few more minutes.”

“Yes, let’s get this over with,” Kurt said and followed the doctor into her office.

Kurt and Blaine sat as close as physically possible to each other. Their hands clutched together as they both looked at Dr. Juneau intently.

“Well,” Dr. Juneau said as she sat behind her desk, “This has been a long and emotional haul so I won’t prolong it any longer.”

Kurt held his breath while Blaine squeezed his hand.

“The cancer is gone,” she said with a big smile.

“W…Wh…what?” Blaine stammered.

“Beatrice’s cancer is gone. The treatments took effect. She’s in remission.”

“Oh my god,” Kurt yelled. “Oh my God!”

Blaine sat frozen. If he moved or said anything he would start to bawl, but he didn’t have a choice because his husband grabbed him up out of his chair and hugged the stuffing out of him. “Our baby, Blaine!” Kurt yelled. “Blaine, our little girl! Oh, my god, Blaine!”

The dam finally broke and Blaine sobbed like a baby against Kurt’s shoulder while Kurt held him tightly. They cried together for a while and then hugged Dr. Juneau numerous times before running out to give Carole, Pam, and especially Bea the good news.

The cancer was gone.

They were going home.

Beatrice Rose would live a long and happy life with her two dads by her side.


	9. Epilogue - Light

**Two Years Later…**

 

“Kurt…fuck…God, yes…harder, baby. Please, harder harder harrrrder.”

Blaine’s pleading shot straight into Kurt’s groin and all he could do was succumb to the intense heat which incinerated his heart. He drove in harder and faster, his hips snapping back and forth giving his husband everything he was begging for and more.

Kurt and Blaine were happy, joyfully happy. After some tumultuous times, they were once again on track. Career-wise, they were both more successful than they had ever been. They had purchased a large estate on the outskirts of the city. Their three acres housed a six bedroom home, three-car garage, and enough yard for Bea and her pony, Burt, to get lost in. Of course, all of that was just the cherry on top to what really made them happy. Their marriage was strong. Their communication was open and forthcoming. And their hearts were pure. They supported each other. They cared and loved for one another and their growing family. After three years of suffering, Kurt and Blaine surfaced happier, stronger, and more in love than ever before.

“Blaine, I love you,” Kurt panted. “God, how I love you.” He pressed his open mouth to Blaine’s neck and suckled, working his way down to his shoulder, biting, and growling as he continued to drive his hips up into his husband’s tight hot body.

Kurt had Blaine pinned up against the wall. One hand above them, pressing into both of Blaine’s over-lapped palms, securing them to the wall. His other hand held Blaine’s ass as Blaine’s legs wrapped around his waist. They had been going at it for about an hour, both of them desperate for release but holding back because it just felt too good; they didn’t want it to end. They never did. It’s not like this was a rare occurrence. They made love often and sometimes multiple times in one day. They simply couldn’t get enough of each other.

Blaine’s whines were becoming more urgent. His breath was choppy as he stuttered among grunts, “Kurt…I n…need to…cum, fuck, fuck.”

“Not yet. I want more of you. I want everything,” Kurt panted against Blaine’s sweaty skin. “You…are…s…sooo beautiful, Blaine; so beautiful and…so m…mine.” He drove in hard, the tip of his swollen throbbing cock hitting Blaine’s prostate repeatedly.

Blaine couldn’t hold back any longer. “KURT! Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kuuuuuuurt. Holy shit, ohhhhh.” Blaine released. His white seed shot forcefully up between them, coating their stomachs, chests, and splattering on Blaine’s chin.

Kurt chased Blaine’s orgasm with his own. He muffled his scream into the side of Blaine’s neck as he filled him up, emptying his very full balls into his wrecked husband.

They rode out the aftershocks together, whimpering and panting along each other’s salty skin. Kurt lapped at Blaine’s chin, cleaning him before driving his tongue into Blaine’s mouth, allowing him a taste of his own seed as he kissed him with all the passion and all the sweet emotion that he held for his man.

Kurt’s legs were shaking hard and he knew he wouldn’t be standing upright for much longer. He leaned back from the wall but not without his husband. He clutched onto Blaine and carried him carefully to the bed where he collapsed them down. He curled around him, still gasping and trembling from the intense workout, and drew him close against his chest.

“Kurt,” Blaine’s voice was rough but lovingly soft.

“Hmmm?”

“Look at me.”

Kurt’s azure eyes opened and gazed into those amber orbs he loved.

“Thank you,” Blaine murmured.

Kurt smiled. “You’re welcome. But what are you thanking me for?”

“For giving me everything,” Blaine’s fingertips traced the outline of Kurt’s sculpted chest. “You, your immense love, your incredible body, your pure heart, your profound soul … and for two beautifully perfect children.”

Kurt couldn’t speak so he did what was ingrained in his heart and that was kissing Blaine. Their lips pressed together. This time it wasn’t heated. It was sweet and delicate and radiated pure love.

“I love you,” Kurt whispered. “I give you all those things freely and I know you do the same.” Kurt paused. “And you know, I was kinda hoping that two children would soon become three and maybe four.” Kurt bit his lip as he watched his husband’s reaction.

Blaine’s eyes widened as he tried to gauge how serious Kurt was. Kurt’s eyes told him everything. “You are everything to me, do you know that? I want more with you. As many as you want, Kurt.”

Kurt’s smile widened as he pressed it to Blaine’s forehead. They laid there curled around each other for a moment before Blaine spoke again. “Let’s get ourselves cleaned up then into bed. You know Dig will wake up in a couple hours.”

Together they walked to the shower, got cleaned up and dried off, then fell into bed and quickly drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms, their hearts filled with love and promise.

+

Twenty-seven minutes after Kurt and Blaine fell asleep they woke again to the piercing cries of their three-month old son. Blaine groaned but quickly got up – it was his turn. He threw some sweats and a t-shirt on then wandered into the kitchen to warm up Dig’s formula.

Indigo Finn Anderson-Hummel was the spitting image of Blaine. He had flawless olive-toned skin, dark locks already forming into curls and big beautiful hazel eyes with long sweeping eyelashes. Kurt and Blaine (and Bea) fell in love with him the second he was born.

Now Blaine sat on the loveseat in Dig’s room with his son in his arms, feeding him a bottle. He rocked gently and hummed, lulling him slowly back to sleep. It was tiring, that’s for sure. He was up twice every second night with his son while still giving Beatrice all his attention during waking hours, going to work five days a week, and keeping his husband happy and satisfied. But Blaine wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He smiled as he watched Dig’s droopy eyes try to stay alert. Blaine whispered gently to him, “Just sleep, son. Daddy’s here with you. You’re safe. Nothing is ever going to harm you. Not while Papa and I are around.”

“You two are beautiful,” Kurt murmured from the doorway. A smile smeared Blaine’s mouth as he looked up to see his gorgeous husband standing there with his hair in every which direction and his sleepy blue eyes.

“Come here, beautiful,” Blaine beckoned. “Sit with us for a bit.”

Kurt did. He curled up beside Blaine and placed his head on his shoulder, peering down at their son who was moments away from drifting back to sleep. “He’s stunning.  Just like his Daddy,” Kurt said.

Blaine blushed. After all these years, Kurt still had the ability to make him blush.

“Dads,” a healthy six-year old Bea murmured and wandered into the room.

“Honey-Bea, what are you doing up? Are you okay?”

“Uh-huh,” she said as she moved to curl up into Kurt’s lap. “I heard Dig crying and I wanted to check on him.”

“Oh, Bea-Bea, you are the best big sister Dig could ever have. But you don’t need to get up. That’s what Papa and I are here for.”

“I know but I like to look at him.”

“So do we,” Kurt said. “Our family is beautiful, isn’t it?” He tapped Bea’s nose playfully.

“The beautifulest,” Bea grinned as she stroked Dig’s little hand with her fingertip.

Blaine placed his hand against Kurt’s cheek and turned to place a kiss to his forehead. No, nothing on earth could beat this. Nothing could come close to touching what they had: family, love, each other.

The four of them sat together in Indigo’s room, Dig sleeping soundly in Blaine’s arms and Bea already dreaming in Kurt’s embrace. Kurt and Blaine fought sleep for a little while. They wanted to marvel in the amazing sight both their children offered but eventually they too fell into slumber, Kurt nestled against Blaine with their hands linked together. They remained that way past the early morning dawn.

While they slept, soft warm rays filtered in through the windows. Cascading patterns of whimsical light filled their home but the sun's brightness couldn’t compare to the eternal light they held in their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.  
> I really appreciate all the comments and kudos. Thank you, Thank you.  
> On to the next one. Stay tuned, friends.


End file.
